AP Really doesn't understand copyright

Where’s your fucking "software" tracking my use now, bitch? And please notice I didn’t copy a single word or image from your site. I took a fucking picture of my own computer. Suck my cock.

Oh, but just because I’m a sweetheart who respects copyright - unlike you fuckers - I included a link to the original article.

Jury Duty Debrief

Jury Duty.

Two words that strike dread in all but the bravest hearts. A gauntlet of inefficiency, inanity, and ineptitude through which one must pass in order to reach the ultimate goal: getting out of jury duty. For the miserable few who cannot escape the clutches of the system is reserved this eighth circle of hell.

Last week my number was called. Like a character out of Shirley Jackson, I somberly approached my destiny. The fates were not kind.

Selection for our trial spanned two days. Why you may ask? Was this a particularly heinous murder? A complex civil case involving deeply intertwined parties? A social pariah whose time to face terrible sweet justice had come at last? Nah. Just two routine counts of very routine ag-assault. So why two days? His honor likes the sound of his voice.

I'll spare you the boring details. Suffice it to say "he said/she said" isn't really enough to get you beyond reasonable doubt. Especially not when the police investigating the events don't, you know, investigate. It took until Friday morning, but we finished the trial and deliberations and returned our verdicts of not guilty on both counts.

Andrew Thomas, our illustrious¹ county attorney, keeps pushing these bullshit cases down the throats of his prosecutors. Andrew Thomas, who's never *tried* a case before, keeps bogging up the courts with cases that can't be won and then grandstands to the press about the courts obstructing the will of the people.

Maricopa county has the county attorney it elected, but even given the very low esteem in which I hold the people of this county, this is not the county attorney it deserves.

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1 Wait. That's not the right word. Illustrious...illustrated...animated...cartoon. That's what I meant. Andrew Thomas is a cartoon. He's a cross between Daffy Duck and Foghorn Leghorn without the self-awareness, social grace, or intelligence.

ConCERN from the Crazy

Walter L. Wagner and his trusty squire, Luis Sancho, are tilting at hadron mills. Bringing suit in federal court in Hawaii, the knight errant and his sidekick are looking to stop CERN from destroying the world!!!

Wagner, whose law degree from an unaccredited school doesn't allow him to practice outside of California, and Sancho, "who describes himself as an author and researcher on time theory¹," want to save us from those out of control Swiss scientists!²

The lawsuit, filed March 21 in Federal District Court, in Honolulu, seeks a temporary restraining order prohibiting CERN from proceeding with the accelerator until it has produced a safety report and an environmental assessment. It names the federal Department of Energy, the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory, the National Science Foundation and CERN as defendants.

CERN probably won't bother showing up. You know, 'cause they're not American.

Why in Hawaii? Because I suspect Wagner doesn't like to stray far from his grow lights.

Here's the thing: either the LHC is safe (it is) or when it gets turned on it creates a world-eating black hole (it won't.) If the latter is the case (it isn't) and said black hole doesn't immediately evaporate as predicted (it would,) the Earth gets destroyed, leaving Wagner and Sancho nowhere to live.

Either way we win. Either way we win.

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1 Among his many studies are ones seeking to explain why he sometimes get the munchies before he takes his first toke, and whether it's possible to travel back in one's own lifetime by listening to "The Dark Side of the Moon" backwards, at half-speed.
2 Obviously I'm exaggerating for effect. Most of the physicists working at CERN are not Swiss.

Hatch doesn't survive appeal

Richard Hatch has lost has latest immunity challenge.

I'm not a fan of reality TV¹, but I can't help but be aware of the major stories and major players. So I was aware of Hatch's brilliant play in out-maneuvering his peers on the first season of Survivor, I was aware of Hatch's less brilliant play of filing fraudulent tax returns in 2000 and 2001, and I was aware that as a result, Hatch was spending 51 months at FCI:Morgantown.

They mustn't have liked him very much. All the "good" criminals go to Danbury².

Handing down its decision on Friday, the First Circuit rejected all of Hatch's claims and affirmed his conviction and sentence. I've got to admit that reading a lengthy appellate decision in a tax case doesn't get the blood flowing either south or north³, but I did a quick skim and decided on this money quote:

the court catalogued many instances in which Hatch had committed perjury, noting that the list was "a pretty long one" and included lying on the stand about his failure to disclose the income which formed the bases for the charges on which he was convicted and about his alleged failure to read the letter drafted by Wallis regarding the hypothetical Exhibit One which he then submitted for his tax return. The court further detailed false statements Hatch had made to the Probation Office concerning his assets.

So he's a lying liar, too. No wonder he was able to out(wit, last, play) his competitors on the island. Unfortunately for him, he was an amateur liar surrounded by pros once he got entangled in the courts.

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1 I may not be a fan of the genre, but I respect the writing effort that the so-called producers on those shows do and fully support them getting to be covered and protected by the WGA.
2 Interesting (to me) sidenote. Back in the late '80s I was friends with a girl whose dad was the warden - or one of the associate wardens, I'm not completely clear - at Danbury. Not sure why I never took advantage of that to try to meet G. Gordon or the Rev. Moon. Could have been a fun afternoon.
3 Think about it for a minute...there you go. Now you've got it.

Great Ascot!

You do not want to fuck around in Milwaukee County Circuit Judge William Sosnay's court. Hell, you don't even want to be a natty dresser.

In the courtroom of the pompadoured judge long known as a fastidious dresser, a sentencing hearing in a misdemeanor case was delayed for three hours Tuesday after a veteran prosecutor turned up for court wearing an ascot.

A courthouse rule requires all lawyers to wear neckties, but prosecutor Warren Zier's occasional choice of creative cravats drew the judge's ire.

Sosnay's review found Zier's red ascot - which matched the handkerchief in the breast pocket of Zier's pinstriped gray suit - "borders on contemptuous," given the judge's prior warnings that he only cottons to neck- and bow-ties.

Now, I don't personally rock the ascot because it's not 1973 and Paul Lynde isn't inviting me over for whiskey sours. Still, I'm warming to the idea. I mean, that's a sweet, sweet look. Plus, you get the comfort of the open collar along with the dashing look. Hmm.

Seek wisdom of constitutional intelligence or you die EVIL

I'm home sick today but trying to be productive nonetheless, doing a page one rewrite on my HIMYM spec because, well, it wasn't good enough for Disney-ABC. After that, it's time to finally stop delaying on my 30 Rock and just break the shit out of that story. I have about two-thirds of that floating about in my head and really just need to get some act breaks in order to pound it out.

However, I've been meaning to blog on this book and its proposals for awhile, so I thought I'd drop a short post out here and let people savor the Time Cube aspects of what Larry J. Sabato has to say. In particular, please check out his "23 Proposals to Revitalize the US Constitution" and comment away. I'll have more to say in the next day or two.

It shouldn't take anyone very long to figure out all the ways in which "the founder and director of the renowned Center for Politics at the University of Virginia" doesn't frakin' understand the American system. It also shouldn't be difficult to determine why it's both apropos and absolutely insane that he be at UV.

Bonus points to anyone who can guess three of my favorite five founding fathers and why. Ah hell. That's too tough. Here's my list:

• John Adams
• Aaron Burr
• Alexander Hamilton
• James Madison
• John Marshall

Franklin only barely doesn't make it. If I had to pull one of the others off for Franklin's benefit, it would be Burr. And yes. It bothers me. Franklin was the only one to tell Congress to bite his shiny, metal ass if they wouldn't outlaw slavery. He was a hero. Not to mention the fact that without his keen diplomatic abilities getting us French assistance, that hack of a General from Virginia would have lost the whole affair for us.

Big Brother has a stye in his eye

The "city" of Mesa is losing $100K a month on their photo radar program. Boo. Fucking. Hoo. I hope those fuckers go bankrupt. Followed by every other greedy town that wants to milk people to fill their coffers (not to mention the sweetheart deals you know the goodly in-civil servants cook up to line their own pockets.)

You want to give out tickets that badly? Public safety is such a big concern? Raise taxes and hire more police to enforce the laws. And keep your unaccountable, unelected, un-American private firms out of the business of public safety.

John Roves a Lott

Wow! This is so exciting! Hi, all. This is Mary Rosh, guest posting again. My favorite (and the best ever) economist is in the news again today. Josh Marshall at Talking Points Memo says that Karl Rove got his information on vote fraud from an op-ed by John Lott. Can you believe it? Professor Lott is really moving up in the world, advising Presidents and Kings, now.

Of course, that's just one little blogger. But I'm sure Professor Lott's impact on this will be heralded far and wide, very soon. In just a few short weeks, I'll bet we'll hear about it a lot.

Billy's going to have an aneurysm (I hope)

Holy crap. I'm just old enough to remember when Geraldo's shtick seemed to be in service of *something* other than Geraldo. Before Al Capone's tomb, before his pro wrestling "expose", before skinheads with chairs, before the photo-ops in Iraq, Geraldo Rivera used to be a real-live investigative reporter. Unfortunately, for a handful of decades, Geraldo's been a joke.

But today, I respect Geraldo.

Stick to being a make believe DA

Fred Thompson's contemplating throwing his hat in the ring. I knew people were attempting to draft him to run, but he himself is clearly surveying the field (and early carnage) and trying to decide if and when to enter. Speaking with Chris Wallace today, he showed a serious lack of understanding of the law (pretty bad for a lawyer), but at least he's consistent with the party line. In response to a question about whether or when he would pardon Scooter Libby, Freddy-boy said he'd "do it now".

These people knew in the very beginning — the Justice Department, this Justice Department and the special counsel knew in the very beginning that the thing that was creating the controversy, who leaked Valerie Plame's name, did not constitute a violation of the law.

Sigh. How hard is it to understand simple laws? For example, USC 50 Section 421

Whoever, having or having had authorized access to classified information that identifies a covert agent, intentionally discloses any information identifying such covert agent to any individual not authorized to receive classified information, knowing that the information disclosed so identifies such covert agent and that the United States is taking affirmative measures to conceal such covert agent's intelligence relationship to the United States, shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both.

She was a covert operative (specifically, one with nonofficial cover, a NOC), not an analyst. Pretty simple. Sure, it appears Richard Armitage should have taken the fall and not poor Scooter, but that doesn't mean it "did not constitute a violation of the law".

Just what we need as president: a lawyer who can't understand the law.

I Hate the Old

Reason #217 why the old should just shuffle off this mortal coil:

The children of Troon will continue to attend nearby schools. And thanks to a loophole in Arizona law, the grown-ups of Troon will continue to avoid paying property taxes in those districts, which makes officials in the districts less than mirthful.

That's awesome. Keep your tax money so you can line your coffin; hopefully you'll be getting in it real soon now!

Patrick Flynn - who completely by coincidence is president of a homeowners association in unincorporated Troon - led the move to create a school district without schools (though there are children) in order to save a few hundred dollars a year. Good for him. And fuck those young people moving into his town with their children. He got his, now they can get theirs.

One can only hope some poorly educated youngin' jacks his car one day because a decent public education wasn't available. Or better still, maybe he'll just keel over on the golf course. Then I would laugh and laugh and laugh.

Worst Sex Trial Ever

Glenn Marcus hides his whips in his long boxes.

Speaking in a husky monotone, Jodi described the whippings, mutilations and torture she said she received at the hands of Marcus, who sold comic books and lived with his parents on Long Island.

"You best be drinking what the Romans drink when you're drinking down in Rome"

That is quite inexcusable. Vodka? In Kentucky? Vodka's only good for thinning paint in Kentucky. She should have poured whiskey into a Coke bottle instead.

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky (AP) -- A judge ordered a new trial in a case in which a juror sipped vodka throughout the trial.

Jefferson County Circuit Judge Geoffrey Morris said in his order that new trials may be granted only in the most extreme circumstances.

But he said "the inexcusable, disruptive behavior of this juror was so extraordinary as to render this relief appropriate."

How much would you pay for Wal-nix?

Short, sweet, succinct ruling from the 7th circuit (the Fightin' 7th, as Colbert might say?) in Wallace v. International Bus. Mach.

Daniel Wallace would like to compete with Linux either by offering a derivative work or by writing an operating system from scratch but maintains that this is impossible as long as Linux and its derivatives are available for free. He contends that IBM, Red Hat, and Novell have conspired among themselves and with others (including the Free Software Foundation)^* to eliminate competition in the operating system market by making Linux available at an unbeatable price. Under the GPL, which passes from user to improver to user, Linux and all software that incorporates any of its source code will be free forever, and nothing could be a more effective deterrent to competition, Wallace maintains.

Judge Easterbrook doesn't think much of Wallace's suit: "The GPL and open-source software have nothing to fear from the antitrust laws." Thank you, Your Honor.

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^* Plus the Illuminati, Opus Dei, Freemasons, Tri-lateral Commission, and the ghost of Lyndon B. Johnson.

99 little bugs in the code...

Maybe, just possibly, a tiny crack in the irrefutability of breathalyzers.

The lawyer for councilman Ross Hieb has filed a motion requesting the programming code of the Intoxilyzer 8000 the machine used when Hieb took a breath test April 23. Attorney John Jongeward filed the 11-page motion in San Luis Municipal Court.

The state will, of course, be bringing all its might to bear in this case to defend the indefensible.

Steve Butler, forensic alcohol supervisor for the Arizona Department of Public Safety Crime Lab, says having the code doesn't make understanding the intoxilyzer more clear. He said the code is just lines of information in programming language that tells little.

Well, I'm no "forensic alcohol supervisor" but I guarantee if I got to see the source code, it would tell me a lot. Maybe its bugs (and there are bugs - it's software) are harmless, maybe they're not. However, the last time I checked,

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

If I'm being accused by some hack programmer who couldn't get out of Kentucky to find a better job, I damn well better get to confront him, and his source code.