01 January 2007

Prometheus Uncorked

From: john_polidori@diodata.ch
To: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
Subject: BoG Project

Victor,

First off, I'd like to thank you on the great work you did on the Bank
of Geneva project. We wouldn't have come in on time and under budget
without your heroic efforts, and you can expect to see some nice
bonuses for you and your team. I'd also like you to take a few days of
comp time to get some much needed R&R. You've certainly earned it.

Since the project's complete, I was wondering if you could let me know
what you were doing in the lab last night. When I came in this
morning, there was a peculiar smell and something sticky on the
operating slab. I've already asked Percy about it, but he assures me
that he and Mary left the lab clean when they were done yesterday.
Security tells me you were the only one working last night.

Of course, as I've said, we're all thrilled with the work you've been
doing and don't want you to think this little affair with the lab
equipment is anything we're worried about.

Thanks in advance,
John

* * *

From: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
To: john_polidori@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: BoG Project

John,

Thank you for your kind words and your offer of comp time. I hope I
can use it soon, but I've been making some great strides in my work
and would hate to lose momentum at this time. Soon, all my hard work
will come to fruition!

As to the smell and sticky remains on the operating slab, my assistant
should have cleaned that up before the morning shift began. I'll see
to it that he is suitably chastised. It will not happen again.

Warmest regards,
Victor

* * *

From: john_polidori@diodata.ch
To: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: BoG Project

Victor,

To be honest, I'm less concerned with the cleanup of the mess than the
cause of the mess. I was hoping you might let me know what you were
doing in the lab last night. Since BoG has been put to bed, I'm not
sure what work your were referring to in your last email.

John

* * *

From: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
To: john_polidori@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: BoG Project

John,

Yes, now I see your issue. Well, as we were working quite late, my
assistant and I grew quite hungry and he prepared our grilled cheese
sandwiches using the electro-dynamos in the laboratory. That American
cheese certainly makes an awful, bubbling mess when super-heated!
Also, there was tomato soup.

Cheers!
Victor

* * *

From: john_polidori@diodata.ch
To: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: BoG Project

Dr. Frankenstein,

I've reread my earlier messages and realize I was not as precise as I
should have been. Let me rephrase my question: what were you doing at
work last night at all? The BoG project is complete and you should
have very little to do right now other than the occasional bug-fix. I
don't begrudge you and Igor your meal - though I definitely do not
approve of using the power of the electro-dynamos to heat your food -
but don't understand why you were here at all.

I hope we can resolve this issue quickly.

John

* * *

From: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
To: john_polidori@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: BoG Project

John,

You see, my work is at a critical juncture right now. Even as I write
this, Igor is procuring me the necessary components so we may complete
our project this very night. I am confident we will be successful!

V. Frankenstein

* * *

From: john_polidori@diodata.ch
To: victor_frankenstein@diodata.ch
Subj: Re: Unauthorized use of company equipment (Was: BoG Project)

Dr. Frankenstein,

I'd refer you to your employee manual, specifically the section about
use of company resources to perform outside work. Because you've been
such a great asset to the team, I've been willing to overlook the time
you spend on outside projects - also in contravention of your employee
agreement - as long as it doesn't affect your work. However, I can't
allow you to use DioData equipment and facilities to do...whatever it
is you're doing.

If you don't cease your use of the lab for your experiments, I'll have
to bring in HR.

John Polidori, PhD
Director Special Projects

* * *

From: hr@diodata.ch
To: john_polidori@diodata.ch
Subj: Termination of V. Frankenstein

John,

I wish you'd brought the matter of Dr. Frankenstein's outside work to
my attention earlier, but I understand that you were giving him a
little freedom because he was producing. However, I hope you now see
why we have the policies we do. Our custodial staff has been working
non-stop since this morning, trying to clean up the mess your precious
scientist left in the east wing labs, and two security guards had to
be hospitalized because of Frankenstein's rampage last night. And I
swear as I was pulling into the lot this morning I saw villagers with
pitchforks. We're going to have to pay security overtime too, it looks
like.

I left Frankenstein a message on both his home and mobile phones, but
haven't heard back yet. If you hear from him, please let him know
he'll need to bring his keys, security passes, and Blackberry with him
in order to pick up his personal effects and final paycheck. Security
has already boxed up his desk.

Harriet Shelley
Director HR

1 comments:

Angela said...

R.A., you so crazy.

Crazy in a good way, though. That was awesome.