Mr. Wizard on Movers and Shakers

Steve Gimbel asks...

Who wins: the movers or the shakers?

At first blush it seems the movers should win. They're big and strong from hauling furniture in their big rigs. They can hurl and swat like Casey.

But the shakers have a secret weapon. From their years of making this...

They certainly have no problem making this...

 

By a score of 3-1, the shakers win in the bottom of the ninth.

Mr. Wizard on Hibernating

sme asks...

For some reason my computer won't go into sleep mode unless Internet Explorer is open. Any ideas why? Is this weird? Why does my computer favor the crappy web browser? I use Windows XP. However, my boyfriend has installed a shitload of programs that he uses for poker and I feel like one of them may be the culprit. He's put in Poker Tracker and something called Team Viewer and then there's Skype. He uses the last two so other people can watch him play. I don't know anything about it, but I think it was after he started using them that the computer wouldn't go to sleep.

I'm not familiar with the poker tracking software you have installed (and I don't want to go too deeply into it because I suspect it might violate the ToS for whichever online poker sites you frequent) but I don't think that's your problem. I think Team Viewer is hanging you up. Before trying to put your computer to sleep, make sure you've disabled or turned off Team Viewer. I'm going to guess that'll resolve it.

Richard Hatch's BSG Trailer

There's video above, FeedReader, HT Galactica Sitrep.

I was always curious what this trailer looked like. Back about a decade ago, Richard Hatch spent his own money trying to bring back BSG and produced this trailer. It got shown at a few cons, as I recall. Interestingly enough, I think it's about halfway between the camp of the original and the dark tragedy we have now.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

Everyone's favorite day of the week (other than Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and payday) is here: Wizard Wednesday.

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Three Faces of Steve

For your regular fix of humor, don't forget to check in at Sketch War. But for my regular readers, here's something newish. A short I wrote last fall. Enjoy. Three Faces of Steve

Publish at Scribd or explore others: Creative Writing Humor Short

The True Purpose of the Internet

I used to think it was porn. Don't get me wrong, porn is awesome, but that's not why the Internet came into being. Nope. Not porn. Not online shopping. Not even the sites dedicated to the ranking of various women's body parts or the posting of photos of ridiculously drunk women making out.

Nope.

Here it is.

There's video below, FeedReader.

Sketch War: Fry and Spiner

Another good week for us here. Six men entered and brought forth six great sketches designed to star Stephen Fry and Brent Spiner. Why? Because the thespians had Twitter all aflurry last week as they discussed the possibility of working together. We thought we’d toss our ideas out for the fun of it.

• DNW led off with backstage shenanigans of a mysterious sort…
• Ken fired back with rock star scholarship…
• RA took asylum at an asylum…
• Dave took Brent out of his comfort zone, causing discomfort for Stephen along way…
• Michael took the topic very literally…
• Peter set diplomacy back 233 years.

Oh, and we launched at our new home! Let us know what you think.

Next week your six brave warriors will be back with sketches on the prompt social networking. And there are rumors we might have some a couple new warriors of a more Amazonian nature. So be sure to bookmark, subscribe, and tell all your friends.

And remember, if you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at sketchwar(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

Mr. Wizard on wholegrain

2old4this asks...

It's generally known that refined carbs, such as flour, are big no-no's for people on a high protien diet. Heck, it's generally known that they're just bad period!

But just how much processing results in a "refined" product? For example, oatmeal is just sliced oats as far as I can tell, so would that be OK since it's whole grain? Or is just the slicing enough processing to make it "refined?"

What about stuff like Ezekiel bread? It's even more "processed" but still called "whole grain."

Where's the line that separates just enough processing and too much processing?

If y'all have seen Mr. Wizard, you know he *knows* food. Intimately and often. So he truly appreciates these food questions. Keep 'em coming, and if you'd like, send along some cupcakes too.

When it comes to grain products, the key is the bran. The more refined the grain, the less remains of the coarse outer shell of the grain. Take a look at this cross section of a wheat kernel (click to embiggen:)

Refining takes away the outer layers of the kernel. That big white section that just *looks* like it's going to make you fat? The endosperm? If you refine your wheat all the way down to white flour, that's what you'll get. The rest will remain behind in the grist mill. The starch and protein - gluten, primarily - make great breads, cakes, and pastries - but they provide little in the way of fiber.

Leaving some of the bran coat leads to a coarser flour that leads to a larger and drier crumb in breads, but it is certainly healthier.

Your gut is right when it comes to oatmeal (if you can take the time to cook steelcut oats instead of rolled ones you'll appreciate the texture and taste quite a bit more.) Oatmeal is basically the whole grain. Oat flour can be processed from it, but it has limited use as it doesn't form as complex a crystalline structure when worked because it lacks gluten.

The biggest problem with having too many refined grains in your diet is that you get your calories too cheaply. The second big problem is that without enough soluble fiber you run the risk of GI problems.

And here comes the boilerplate advice: The Wizard recommends a balanced diet where the larger proportion of your complex carbohydrates come from whole grains; however, he also says it's a-ok to have that canoli once in awhile.

Mr. Wizard on whitespace

One A. Nonymous asks...

whathappenedtoyourspaces? ;) lol

I was trying to do my part to help out with the world-wide shortage of whitespace, but this isn't a problem individuals can solve on their own. Governments need to step in. This is a systemic problem, and we need to tackle it at the root.

With blogs, social networks, Twitter, and ubiquitous text messaging, first-world demand for whitespace is at an all-time high. As long as that's true, suppliers are going to step up, threats of extinction or no. No rock concert to raise awareness or hip PSA is going to help. Hell, if my family were starving in the bush, I'd go out there and poach zebras for their stripes as well.

I tried to scrimp and save a few spaces, but in the end...what does is accomplish? I'm just one wizard.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

You know what today is? That's right!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Well, the truth would get in the way of my conclusion!

George Will's a lying sack of shit? Say it ain't so. I've always figured that former paste eater - who took his licks as the kid who got picked last so often he turned into a fearless nerd - would at least pretend to care about the truth. But when it comes to the highly politicized science of global warming, I guess he doesn't care.

February 15, 2009

In an opinion piece by George Will published on February 15, 2009 in the Washington Post, George Will states "According to the University of Illinois' Arctic Climate Research Center, global sea ice levels now equal those of 1979."

We do not know where George Will is getting his information, but our data shows that on February 15, 1979, global sea ice area was 16.79 million sq. km and on February 15, 2009, global sea ice area was 15.45 million sq. km. Therefore, global sea ice levels are 1.34 million sq. km less in February 2009 than in February 1979. This decrease in sea ice area is roughly equal to the area of Texas, California, and Oklahoma combined.

It is disturbing that the Washington Post would publish such information without first checking the facts.

Mr. Wizard on Investing

2old4this asks...

I was gonna ask you about dieting, but with the stimulus vote, I'll ask a tough one instead.

If you knew that inflation was going to jump to double digits within a couple of years, how would you prepare for it?

Assuming no layoffs or major life changes unrelated to the economy.

First off, the human yo-yo is pleased as punch he doesn't have to answer a dieting question tonight. I only like answering those when I'm on the skinny end of the continuum, as opposed to fat (and suffering from wicked heartburn tonight.) Instead, it's an easy question for The Wizard.

Sure, I could tell you to move your investment into less volatile commodities like gold, silver, and even cash.¹

But I'm going to tell you the best thing to do with your money. Are all of you listening? Scoot your chairs in closer...

Invest it in me. That's right. Pay for me to take a year off and focus on my writing. For just $20,000, you can buy a 2% share in me. When I become fabulously wealthy, you'll be paid off handsomely.²

You know? Now that I think about it? Probably better off investing in gold, silver, and cash.

1. That's right. Granny and her load of cash in the mattress is a wise investor in these harrowing times. She's not helping the economy any, but she is protecting her own nest egg.
2. Offer not valid in AR, MS, WV, or anywhere else where there's no damn money. If I don't become fabulously wealthy, you can content yourself with the knowledge than I got to spend a year in my jammies playing XBox and writing for *at least* eight three 45 minutes a day.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

You know what today is? That's right!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions,writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest inSumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of thequality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get*something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers throughthe following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me moreactively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Jonathan Frakes interview

 Jonathan Frakes directed this week's episode of Leverage and I had an opportunity to speak with him about it this afternoon for DreamLoom. Take a look.

Your first directing job was a Star Trek episode, but when did you know that was something you wanted to do? Was the first time a lark, you wanted to try it out, or did you already know you were interested?
No, it took me years to get my friend Rick Berman to actually give me an episode to direct. No, I knew from early on in the series that there was an opportunity there just by virtue of being on the set every day with a television series to learn from some of the wonderful TV directors that we had and to shadow them and trail them and then I was lucky enough to get time in the editing room to figure out what that part of it was about. Eventually, after it being clear to Rick that I wasn’t going to stop pursuing it, he relented.

FSW: Advertising Edition Wrapup

Well frak if that wasn't a hell of a war this week! To all the new visitors to Sketch War, welcome again. What you saw this week was a pretty good example of what we do around here every week, with a few minor modifications. We hope you enjoyed the sketches, and if you haven't had a chance to read them all, here's your chance. A record six warriors entered the arena this week swinging their +2 Maces of Mirth and Slashing with +4 Swords of Silliness.

• DNW led off the week by being honest about lying, or possibly it was lying about honesty, or lying about honestly lying...
  
• Ken followed quickly on his heels with a few jingoistic jingles...
• RA heated things up next, I mean worldwide it all got a few degrees hotter...
  
• Peter tried out a few slogans on a focus group...
• Michael gave us all an idea for the next big startup...
• David brought up the rear with an I-D-E-A whose time has come...

A variety of styles and approaches were on display this week. There's something in there for everyone. Take a look and be sure to leave comments letting the brawlers know what you thought, good or ill.

Next week we're going to roll our a series of sketches based on the theme: Pimp my TV. Here's a link to the contest that inspired it.

If you think you've got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you're MAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at sketchwar(nospam)@dreamloom.com.

Mr. Wizard on His Dream Job

The mysterious FreeMyMuse asks...

If you could write for any show, which would it be and why? And what culinary accompaniment would best fit (decided to shake it up a bit)?

Hmm. That's a bit of a noodler. Lemme see...

First the list of close, but not quite dreamy jobs. (Mind you, I'd kill your mother, my mother, and Mark Mothersbaugh for any of these gigs.)

• Mad Men, Dollhouse, Virtuality, or Caprica for the opportunity to work with some of my very favorite genius writers in the business.
• Leverage, FNL, or HIMYM to work on a show I truly dig.
• The Suite Life of Zack and Cody as my go-to example of a show that's absolutely dreadful but for which I would still give my left nut to write.

In the end, because The Middleman isn't likely to be renewed, it'd have to be Burn Notice. It's got a great vibe, sharply defined characters, the right mix of comedy, drama, and action for my tastes, and Bruce Campbell. Who wouldn't want to write for The Chin?

And the culinary accompaniment...well, uh...Red Vines, M&Ms, and cold Chinese. It's a writers' room, after all.

Sketch War

Some interesting stuff going on at Sketch War this week. We'll be getting a lot more traffic for the next two weeks and are rolling out a lot more content to make it worthwhile for the new visitors. Come on over, take a look around, and be sure to leave comments on our sketches: positive, negative, or anywhere in between.

Bliss is Ignorance

New this fall on NBC...

Bliss is Ignorance
In the great tradition of Forrest Gump and Chance the Gardener, NBC-Universal and Executive Producer Ben Silverman bring us the story of Joe Blisselbacher, a septic tank pumper from Ohio who is thrust into the political spotlight during a contentious election and remains in the spotlight thanks to his downhome commonsense. Marvel each week as Bliss bounces from one unlikely predicament to another, never understanding why or what's going on around him. Starring Emmy Winner Michael Chiklis as Bliss and Emmy Nominee Jane Kaczmarek as his flustered ex-wife.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

I'm not sure I'm ready to call last week's open call for questions a success, but we did get a few interesting questions (and hopefully interesting answers) out of it. So here we go again...

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.