...you just put your lips together and blow

I've often wondered at the guys on construction sites whistling, calling out, and otherwise crudely commenting on female passersby. Do they hope one day, one of these women will stop and want to meet them? Do these sweaty, smelly, ass-cracked, hairy dudes with beer guts do this instead of Match.com? What do they hope to gain?

I've looked down at these men of course. No more. They're just very, very patient. Whistle long enough, at enough women, and eventually you'll whistle at this girl:

An Israeli tourist who felt harassed when New Zealand road workers whistled at her Thursday stripped naked in response, police said.

Workmen in the small northern farming town of Kerikeri were repairing the main street when the young woman took offense at their attention.

On a balmy late-autumn day, she calmly stripped bare to use an ATM - bringing an abrupt halt to both the whistles and the road work - then put her clothes back on and walked away.

Sgt. Peter Masters said the woman told police she didn't take kindly to the men's wolf-whistles.

I'm going to start whistling today.

Ladies! Eyes down there! Please?

Hey ladies...if I wore pants with a brightly colored patch over the crotchal areas, would you maybe do me the favor of a glance from time to time? I'm gonna get a complex!

From the Online News Association conference in Toronto, two researchers displayed maps showing website eyetracking. No shock: the top right of any webpage is a deadzone. Small shock: dudes like to check out the competition's packages. Big shock: apparently we also consider dogs competition.

The revelation that the wandering eyes belonged to the males was embarrassing enough for the men in the audience, but researchers Laura Ruel and Nora Paul had a further humiliation in store. They got the same results when they repeated the experiment with pictures on the American Kennel Club site.

Crap. Seriously? It's bad enough I'm genetically hardwired to look at other dudes' johnsons (and puppy peckers,) but girls don't? Really? So why the hell did I spend all that money on that penis pump?

I guess I'll just convert it into a bong.

via Deadspin

Lap dance research heats up: fertile ground for study

I'm not the strip club type. I've been about a half-dozen times in my life and only enjoyed it once. When I was 18, a friend of mine (who was obsessed with "straightening" out a mutual friend, so I never could get beyond the friend stage with her) stripped to pay her way through school. Since she eventually got her PhD and now teaches music theory at some uni in the flyovers, it seemed to work out for her. Anyway, I had fun the first time I went to see her dance, as a large group of us went and hung out. It was quite a social time.

The other few times I've gone have not been so much fun: a co-worker's going-away party with me sitting around watching others get lap dances and wishing I could just leave; the one time I went to an empty, skeezy bar by myself to watch my aforementioned friend strip; a couple of other times lost in the mists of time. I love women. I have NO problem objectifying women (I'm a pig.) I love porn (did I mention I'm a pig?) I don't like strip clubs.

Now, I think I know why. I think I've always had the misfortune of going when the strippers weren't in estrus.

A study shortly to be published in the journal Evolution and Human Behaviour found that lap dancers in their most fertile phase of the menstrual cycle earned much more than dancers in the least fertile phase. In contrast, dancers who took the contraceptive pill, which 'flattens' the hormone cycle, earned much the same throughout the month.