Mr. Wizard on Knees

Emily asks...

What would chairs look like if our knees bent the other way?

Also

Do penguins have knees?

The latter question is the easier of the patella-oriented queries, so let me answer it with the following diagram:

Now while it may not be clear in this picture, there is in fact a femur on the upper half of the lower limb. This should come as no shock as we share a common ancestor with penguins (though we'd have to go back a *really* long way to find that common ancestor.)

So yes, Emily, there is a knee. It is the joint between the femur and tibiotarsus/fibular pair.

Now as to your second question, that one's a bit of a puzzler. It's difficult to imagine a successful biped with a knee that bent in the other direction, as locomotion would be difficult at best, making it easy prey for animals with unhindered knees. However, if we assume all animals shared that odd joint, there would be no relative disadvantage to an organism with that structure. So let's assume that's the case, and somehow locomotion works with lower limbs that rotate in the same direction at both the first and second joints.

In that case, it seems that some variation of a Swedish kneeling chair would work best.

Just as the kneeling chair directs most of the downward force of the body along the length of the femur, our hypothetical reverse-kneed people would sit in a similar fashion, but the lower halves of their legs would extend out and up with a slight bend.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

There is NO question I can't answer.

Of course, not all my answers are serious or useful, but that's a risk you run with a wizard.

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

While the kids are crumpin' and humpin', we all be up in here askin' and answerin'. Tha's right, boyee...it's Wizard Wednesday.

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on Falling for Assholes

Longtime friend of the blog Angela asks...

Okay Mr. Wizard...why do I keep falling for assholes? It's a terrible pattern and I don't seem to learn from my mistakes. Should I see a shrink?

Short answer: yes. Long answer: you probably don't need to spend your time on a therapist's couch, especially as it might lead to *time on a therapist's couch* if you pick as poorly there as you have on the personal front of late.

I think the first and most important thing to do is commit yourself to trusting the input and judgment of your friends. If you know you're making the same sorts of mistakes over and over and falling for men who exhibit similar traits, you need - as you're full aware - to stop doing that. The problem - of which you're also full aware - is that the rush of neurotransmitters at the start of the pas de deux are blinding you. With cool head and cynical heart you could easily judge these men for the assholes they are, but with their twinkling eyes, wry grins, and manly musk you turn to mush.

Right?

So you need to hand some of your relationship authority to someone else. Like hiring an investment advisor to help us make cool, rational decisions with our money,* you need a relationship advisor. Someone in whom you have trust and confidence. Someone who can better judge whether the new guy's an asshole.

But you have to *listen*.

---

* I know this analogy isn't what it used to be. Just try to think about investors who aren't looking to loot you and your grandmama, too.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

What's that the kids across the land are yelling? That's right...it's Time for Mr. Wizard!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

The Internet's favorite way to while a Wednesday is here. One quick guarantee: my answers might be snarky, but they won't be altered by the fact today is April Fool's. I have grown to loathe April 1st. Probably only a short trip to eating the blue plate special, but it's a fact.

Anyway...

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on Watchmen

Very old friend Michele asks...

What did you think of Watchmen? You had so much about it beforehand yet nada about your opinion. So unlike you not to voice an opinion. *grin*

Well, I contributed to its box office take on Sunday, with two tickets I bought for me and TheWife. But did I mention the various flus, sinus infections, and bouts of food poisoning running through Casa Wizard? No? Aha. You see, tickets were NOT used; Mr. Wizard has NOT seen Watchmen.

I'd feel really bad about this, but...

• Malin Akerman is hot, but from trailers seems to be an even worse actress than Eliza Dushku
• Matthew Goode is, um, nothing like Robert Redford, on whom Ozymandias was modeled. He looks like the sort of boy/man who is appealing to pre-teen girls and heroin addicts. Plus that constant smirk on his face? Like he ripped a fart and got away with it?
• I accidentally downloaded some Smurf porn last week, so I've had my fill of Blue Penis for the nonce.

I will get around to seeing it, either in its run on an IMax screen or when it comes out on DVD. As much as I waited and watched and hoped, my expectations shrank asymptotically as we approached opening day.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

Mr. Wizard was feeling a little poorly last week and stayed in bed. But now it's a new week, his intestines are intesting, and he's ready to go. So...

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on Movers and Shakers

Steve Gimbel asks...

Who wins: the movers or the shakers?

At first blush it seems the movers should win. They're big and strong from hauling furniture in their big rigs. They can hurl and swat like Casey.

But the shakers have a secret weapon. From their years of making this...

They certainly have no problem making this...

 

By a score of 3-1, the shakers win in the bottom of the ninth.

Mr. Wizard on Hibernating

sme asks...

For some reason my computer won't go into sleep mode unless Internet Explorer is open. Any ideas why? Is this weird? Why does my computer favor the crappy web browser? I use Windows XP. However, my boyfriend has installed a shitload of programs that he uses for poker and I feel like one of them may be the culprit. He's put in Poker Tracker and something called Team Viewer and then there's Skype. He uses the last two so other people can watch him play. I don't know anything about it, but I think it was after he started using them that the computer wouldn't go to sleep.

I'm not familiar with the poker tracking software you have installed (and I don't want to go too deeply into it because I suspect it might violate the ToS for whichever online poker sites you frequent) but I don't think that's your problem. I think Team Viewer is hanging you up. Before trying to put your computer to sleep, make sure you've disabled or turned off Team Viewer. I'm going to guess that'll resolve it.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

Everyone's favorite day of the week (other than Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and payday) is here: Wizard Wednesday.

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on wholegrain

2old4this asks...

It's generally known that refined carbs, such as flour, are big no-no's for people on a high protien diet. Heck, it's generally known that they're just bad period!

But just how much processing results in a "refined" product? For example, oatmeal is just sliced oats as far as I can tell, so would that be OK since it's whole grain? Or is just the slicing enough processing to make it "refined?"

What about stuff like Ezekiel bread? It's even more "processed" but still called "whole grain."

Where's the line that separates just enough processing and too much processing?

If y'all have seen Mr. Wizard, you know he *knows* food. Intimately and often. So he truly appreciates these food questions. Keep 'em coming, and if you'd like, send along some cupcakes too.

When it comes to grain products, the key is the bran. The more refined the grain, the less remains of the coarse outer shell of the grain. Take a look at this cross section of a wheat kernel (click to embiggen:)

Refining takes away the outer layers of the kernel. That big white section that just *looks* like it's going to make you fat? The endosperm? If you refine your wheat all the way down to white flour, that's what you'll get. The rest will remain behind in the grist mill. The starch and protein - gluten, primarily - make great breads, cakes, and pastries - but they provide little in the way of fiber.

Leaving some of the bran coat leads to a coarser flour that leads to a larger and drier crumb in breads, but it is certainly healthier.

Your gut is right when it comes to oatmeal (if you can take the time to cook steelcut oats instead of rolled ones you'll appreciate the texture and taste quite a bit more.) Oatmeal is basically the whole grain. Oat flour can be processed from it, but it has limited use as it doesn't form as complex a crystalline structure when worked because it lacks gluten.

The biggest problem with having too many refined grains in your diet is that you get your calories too cheaply. The second big problem is that without enough soluble fiber you run the risk of GI problems.

And here comes the boilerplate advice: The Wizard recommends a balanced diet where the larger proportion of your complex carbohydrates come from whole grains; however, he also says it's a-ok to have that canoli once in awhile.

Mr. Wizard on whitespace

One A. Nonymous asks...

whathappenedtoyourspaces? ;) lol

I was trying to do my part to help out with the world-wide shortage of whitespace, but this isn't a problem individuals can solve on their own. Governments need to step in. This is a systemic problem, and we need to tackle it at the root.

With blogs, social networks, Twitter, and ubiquitous text messaging, first-world demand for whitespace is at an all-time high. As long as that's true, suppliers are going to step up, threats of extinction or no. No rock concert to raise awareness or hip PSA is going to help. Hell, if my family were starving in the bush, I'd go out there and poach zebras for their stripes as well.

I tried to scrimp and save a few spaces, but in the end...what does is accomplish? I'm just one wizard.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

You know what today is? That's right!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on Investing

2old4this asks...

I was gonna ask you about dieting, but with the stimulus vote, I'll ask a tough one instead.

If you knew that inflation was going to jump to double digits within a couple of years, how would you prepare for it?

Assuming no layoffs or major life changes unrelated to the economy.

First off, the human yo-yo is pleased as punch he doesn't have to answer a dieting question tonight. I only like answering those when I'm on the skinny end of the continuum, as opposed to fat (and suffering from wicked heartburn tonight.) Instead, it's an easy question for The Wizard.

Sure, I could tell you to move your investment into less volatile commodities like gold, silver, and even cash.¹

But I'm going to tell you the best thing to do with your money. Are all of you listening? Scoot your chairs in closer...

Invest it in me. That's right. Pay for me to take a year off and focus on my writing. For just $20,000, you can buy a 2% share in me. When I become fabulously wealthy, you'll be paid off handsomely.²

You know? Now that I think about it? Probably better off investing in gold, silver, and cash.

1. That's right. Granny and her load of cash in the mattress is a wise investor in these harrowing times. She's not helping the economy any, but she is protecting her own nest egg.
2. Offer not valid in AR, MS, WV, or anywhere else where there's no damn money. If I don't become fabulously wealthy, you can content yourself with the knowledge than I got to spend a year in my jammies playing XBox and writing for *at least* eight three 45 minutes a day.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

You know what today is? That's right!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions,writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest inSumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of thequality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get*something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers throughthe following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me moreactively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on His Dream Job

The mysterious FreeMyMuse asks...

If you could write for any show, which would it be and why? And what culinary accompaniment would best fit (decided to shake it up a bit)?

Hmm. That's a bit of a noodler. Lemme see...

First the list of close, but not quite dreamy jobs. (Mind you, I'd kill your mother, my mother, and Mark Mothersbaugh for any of these gigs.)

• Mad Men, Dollhouse, Virtuality, or Caprica for the opportunity to work with some of my very favorite genius writers in the business.
• Leverage, FNL, or HIMYM to work on a show I truly dig.
• The Suite Life of Zack and Cody as my go-to example of a show that's absolutely dreadful but for which I would still give my left nut to write.

In the end, because The Middleman isn't likely to be renewed, it'd have to be Burn Notice. It's got a great vibe, sharply defined characters, the right mix of comedy, drama, and action for my tastes, and Bruce Campbell. Who wouldn't want to write for The Chin?

And the culinary accompaniment...well, uh...Red Vines, M&Ms, and cold Chinese. It's a writers' room, after all.

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

I'm not sure I'm ready to call last week's open call for questions a success, but we did get a few interesting questions (and hopefully interesting answers) out of it. So here we go again...

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

Mr. Wizard on Mildew

Colette asks...

What's the best way to keep a mildew free shower/bath? How do you treat the existing mildew?

Bleach, bleach, and more bleach.

Sadly, my shower is far from mildew free because I'm lazy and the biggest problem is getting yourself to a clean starting place with no mildew at all.

If you can get there, you can either buy a commercial after-shower spray or mix one up from ingredients around the house. A vinegar and water mixture (as the French would say, a douche for your douche) sprayed on when you get out of the shower will do a good job of keeping the mildew from forming. A few drops of lavender oil in the bottle will help cut the vinegar's strong odor. You can also add some water softener or JetDry to help improve sheeting by acting as a surfactant.

But first you've got to get the shower or bath to a clean starting place, and there's nothing that works better for that than bleach. A bleach-based scrub will be your best bet. It's thick enough to stay in contact with the mildew and the extra friction from the grit in the scrub will help scrape the layers of nastiness off.

And once you're clean, don't slack. Be sure to spray whatever solution you settle on after *every* time you get water in the shower or bath.

Mr. Wizard on Ribeye Steak

Piping in from Twitter, TJonsek asks

Do you prefer ribeye or fish and how would you prepare/cook it?

Exactly the kind of solid, penetrating question I was looking for when I started Mr. Wizard Wednesday. ;)

About 70% of the time I'd go with the ribeye. You picked one of the finest cuts there, tender flesh marbled with luscious fat. You could slide down to the short loin if you wanted slightly more tender beef - a Porterhouse would be lovely as well - though I prefer the slightly higher fat content of the ribs higher up the thorax.

Click to embiggen. 

As for preparation, I'm pretty boring with my beef. Some coarse sea salt and fresh cracked pepper, either a hot grill or cast iron pan, and a few minutes a side to get a nice caramelized exterior still leaving the center just off purple. Rest the meat for a few minutes and maybe toss some red wine into the pan to deglaze, maybe sauteing some mushrooms in that sweet goodness.

But even that's a lot. Usually a little dab of butter or a few crumbles of bleu cheese would be enough to finish off a good piece of meat. Unless I was feeling especially energetic, of course; then I'd make bearnaise.