28 April 2009

Radio Serials Wrapup

Oops! Very late, sorry. I’ve had my nose buried in “Anathem” for the past few days, every moment I’m not working or sleeping, so I kinda let this slip. A bit. Again, sorry.

Anyway…

This week’s battle (normally I’d say next week there, you notice?) is Odd Sporting Events.

If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

22 April 2009

Why I don't watch CHUCK

  • Watched the pilot and wasn’t taken by it. I thought it was okay, but nothing special. I’ve heard it’s better now, but my first impression stuck.
  • More significantly, the great geek love for Yvonne Strahovski? I don’t get it. She’s pretty enough, whatever. Seemed to be able to read her lines without crossing her eyes and with only a trace of weirdness to her accent. Meh.
  • I’ve already got TV on Monday nights and didn’t want to add more. Could I have recorded Chuck and watched later? Sure. But I have other things to do as well and see my points above.
  • Whereas I was indifferent to the pilot, TheWife actively disliked it. We really try to minimize the number of shows only one of us watches as it leads to scheduling conflicts. We’re each willing to watch a show about which we’re indifferent (or, let it be white noise as we surf the web) if the other enjoys it; not so much with the active dislike.
I’m sure the show is better than its pilot. Most shows are. But…I didn’t like the pilot and all the critics who insist the show is better now did. So…better enough? For me? Possibly, but I don’t care enough to find out.

Maybe when it’s run is complete I’ll get the DVDs from Netflix and realize what I missed. Or I’ll watch a rerun of How I Met Your Mother instead.

21 April 2009

Angel or Demon?

"This war has gone on far too long."

Kai-ying nodded. "What can I get for you?"

"Angel, please."

Who was the first person to eat an oyster? Was it on a dare?

"You'd think someone would at least pick up the corpses. Getting so you can't walk down the street without tripping over a broken wing or cracked halo."

"At least they don't smell bad."

"Yeah. Kinda like cinnamon. Heh. Should juice 'em. Sell 'em like lattes."

"Yeah, Ben. You let me know how that works."

Kai-ying smiled as she took the woman's money in exchange for the frothing cup.

17 April 2009

Sketch War: The Taxman Cometh

It looks like a few of our warriors got caught up having tea or standing in line at the Post Office this week. Either way, only three of us entered the ring. Fortunately (or un-, depending on your opinion) I stretched my entry into a four-part runner when I decided I hadn’t ended the first part strongly enough. So from three battlers: six sketches.

I wish we’d seen a few more takes on the topic, but maybe talking about taxes the same week they were due was too much to bear. Next week we’ll be closing our eyes and increasing our consumption of Ovaltine as we roll out sketches on the theme of Old-Time Radio Serials. As a side note, we could use some more sketch topics, so if you’ve got something you’d like to see us tackle, leave it in a comment.

If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

15 April 2009

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

While the kids are crumpin' and humpin', we all be up in here askin' and answerin'. Tha's right, boyee...it's Wizard Wednesday.

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

13 April 2009

I don't like improv

There. I’ve said it. Feels good to get that off my chest after all these years. All these years of pretending to be a fan, of making excuses for why I can’t make someone’s improv show, of feigning interest in watching people exercise.

Look, I’ve done my share of improv. It’s important to any actor honing his craft to learn to be agile and quick-witted on stage. You never know when someone’s going to go off book. Hell, it might be you, losing your place and forgetting your lines. Though I haven’t trod boards for years, I’m still blasted awake by the actor’s nightmare once or twice a year: it’s my cue to go on and I have not idea what play we’re doing or what my lines are.

Improv can save you. Once, my fellow actors and I - *six* of us - all simultaneously forgot our place in a party scene. I have no idea how or why, but we knew our characters and were able to vamp our way back to solid ground. And it can do much more. It can teach you how to quickly establish character and setting to an audience. To the non-Method amongst us, that can be important.

So if improv is useful to learn, important to practice, and can save your ass on stage, why don’t I like it?

Well, doing squats is essential to a point guard but I’m not going to pay money to watch Steve Nash do a lower body workout for two hours. Improv’s the same to me: a series of exercises that improve one’s ability to perform. They’re part of the road, not the destination.

So, no. Unless I’m thinking about casting you in something, we’re very close, or I owe you, I’m not going to your improv show.

Sketch War: Silent Scene Wrapup

Sorry. That’s all I’ve got to say about this past week’s topic. We tried, I swear.

Really, we’re all sorry. But the next battle…that should be…oh hell. It’ll be better than silent even if it’s not good. I promise that. This week: The Taxman Cometh.

If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

Since we haven’t been getting many votes on the polls (and since this battle was so painful,) I’m not putting up a poll this week. Let me know in comments if I should bother to bring that back next week and if y’all plan on voting. What’s truly sad is we weren’t even getting a vote from every *competitor*. That’s not a good sign.

Mr. Wizard on Falling for Assholes

Longtime friend of the blog Angela asks...

Okay Mr. Wizard...why do I keep falling for assholes? It's a terrible pattern and I don't seem to learn from my mistakes. Should I see a shrink?
Short answer: yes. Long answer: you probably don't need to spend your time on a therapist's couch, especially as it might lead to *time on a therapist's couch* if you pick as poorly there as you have on the personal front of late.

I think the first and most important thing to do is commit yourself to trusting the input and judgment of your friends. If you know you're making the same sorts of mistakes over and over and falling for men who exhibit similar traits, you need - as you're full aware - to stop doing that. The problem - of which you're also full aware - is that the rush of neurotransmitters at the start of the pas de deux are blinding you. With cool head and cynical heart you could easily judge these men for the assholes they are, but with their twinkling eyes, wry grins, and manly musk you turn to mush.

Right?

So you need to hand some of your relationship authority to someone else. Like hiring an investment advisor to help us make cool, rational decisions with our money,* you need a relationship advisor. Someone in whom you have trust and confidence. Someone who can better judge whether the new guy's an asshole.

But you have to *listen*.


* I know this analogy isn't what it used to be. Just try to think about investors who aren't looking to loot you and your grandmama, too.

08 April 2009

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

What's that the kids across the land are yelling? That's right...it's Time for Mr. Wizard!

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.

05 April 2009

Nickelback's Biggest Fans

I'm such a prick sometimes.* Monday's prompt at 100 Word Stories was a lyric from a Nickelback song. So...

Pink shirts. Popped collars. Faux hawks. Chad, Rick, and Other Chad looked like page 63 of the Abercrombie catalog strutting through the door. Other Chad surveyed the room over the top of his Revos.

Sidling to the bar, Rick barked, "Three Johnny Walker Blues."

The bartender opened his mouth, then reconsidered. He poured three from the bottom shelf. "That'll be ninety."

Rick floated a hundy to the bar. "Keep it."

Hours later, his brahs collapsed in pools of their own vomit, Other Chad swayed to Nickelback, one hand on the jukebox for balance. The bartender wiped down and muttered, "Douchebags."


* For very large values of "sometimes".

04 April 2009

CSI: Anywhere Wrapup

Damn Horatio Caine and his concern about cataracts!

Depending on how you want to count Ken’s brilliant four-part runner, this was either a banner week for us with eight sketches, or an average week with five. I think for voting and wrapup purposes we’ll call it five.
So what did the sketch warriors bring to this weeks topic?

Next week’s topic should provide an interesting challenge to our loquacious band of warriors: Silent Scenes.

If you think you’ve got the comedy chops to do battle with our scarred and bitter warriors, if you dare step into the hailstorm of seltzer and cream pies, if you think you’re MAN ENOUGH or WOMAN ENOUGH to make us laugh, write a sketch and contact us at submissions(nospam)@sketchwar.org.

01 April 2009

Ask Mr. Wizard Wednesday

The Internet's favorite way to while a Wednesday is here. One quick guarantee: my answers might be snarky, but they won't be altered by the fact today is April Fool's. I have grown to loathe April 1st. Probably only a short trip to eating the blue plate special, but it's a fact.

Anyway...

Questions about me, advice for the lovelorn, software questions, writing questions, questions about the annual cinnamon harvest in Sumatra...ask 'em and I'll answer 'em. I make no guarantees of the quality, veracity, or utility of the answers, but you'll get *something* either useful or funny.

Ask your questions in comments and I'll be posting your answers through the following days. This will keep you coming back and keep me more actively engaged over here. See? We *all* win.