Stick to being a make believe DA

Fred Thompson's contemplating throwing his hat in the ring. I knew people were attempting to draft him to run, but he himself is clearly surveying the field (and early carnage) and trying to decide if and when to enter. Speaking with Chris Wallace today, he showed a serious lack of understanding of the law (pretty bad for a lawyer), but at least he's consistent with the party line. In response to a question about whether or when he would pardon Scooter Libby, Freddy-boy said he'd "do it now".

These people knew in the very beginning — the Justice Department, this Justice Department and the special counsel knew in the very beginning that the thing that was creating the controversy, who leaked Valerie Plame's name, did not constitute a violation of the law.

Sigh. How hard is it to understand simple laws? For example, USC 50 Section 421

Whoever, having or having had authorized access to classified information that identifies a covert agent, intentionally discloses any information identifying such covert agent to any individual not authorized to receive classified information, knowing that the information disclosed so identifies such covert agent and that the United States is taking affirmative measures to conceal such covert agent's intelligence relationship to the United States, shall be fined under title 18 or imprisoned not more than ten years, or both.

She was a covert operative (specifically, one with nonofficial cover, a NOC), not an analyst. Pretty simple. Sure, it appears Richard Armitage should have taken the fall and not poor Scooter, but that doesn't mean it "did not constitute a violation of the law".

Just what we need as president: a lawyer who can't understand the law.

A Mook on FOX on the idiot box

Is it a Rupert Murdoch mandate that every man, woman, or child who works for FOX - whether on FauxNews or on an affiliate - be a simpering idiot? Our local FOX station was tuned in this morning in the locker room and Rick D'Amico - who has lived in Phoenix for 20 years, remember this detail, it's important - began chattering about computers and cell phones having problems this weekend.

As y'all should know, Congress moved up the start of Daylight Saving Time to this coming weekend. A quick check of the wiki tells me that the change was part of the Energy Policy Act of 2005 (I'm too lazy this morning to check the GPO for the law, sorry), so any calendering/date math software on computers or devices that was written prior to the law (or after the law but in ignorance of its effects) will not process dates correctly - (here's another one of the details) in those parts of the country that follow DST.

Rick's worried about this. He went to some websites with instructions on patching his devices, but it was all so confusing. Cute blonde co-anchor (is there any other kind?) doesn't understand why the computers won't just get there times from...somewhere. I finally changed the channel.

Friday morning pop quiz:

1. Where does Rick D'Amico live?
2. How long has Rick D'Amico lived in his current state?
3. What US state does not change its clocks for DST? hint: look at this map
   

To us, it was sort of a college game...

As winter's tight grip on the land gives way to the first signs of spring - brown-shorted delivery drivers, ducklings, the call of the northern Rafftery - a boy's thoughts naturally turn to one thing: college basketball. My Zags? In. My Huskies? So far out, Calhoun's not going to have to worry about lining up travel for the NIT. The mighty Wolfpack? In, riding on the sturdy backs of Nick Fazekas and Marcelus Kemp.

So where was I last night? Was I at home, watching the Big East tourney (sans Huskies) or catching a mid-major championship? Nope. We went to see the Suns host the Charlotte Bobcats.

That's not as strange as it seems at first... it's our only chance this year to see Ammo in person and to watch the greatest center in UConn history. Or Jake Voskuhl. Uh, I didn't know Mek had a calf strain. Jake did have a double-double, though. Despite the plethora of downed Bobcats (Sean May in streets), it was a shockingly tight game - up and down for most of the night - and, with a valiant effort, the Bobcats forced OT.

The game would have been even more fun had it not been so poorly officiated - though, other than Amare's two Ts, it was evenly atrocious. Ammo showed the same offensive single-mindedness that served him so well for three years in Spokane, finishing the night with 22 and 5, with three assists. The latter was deflated, however, since he made at least four other beautiful passes that should have been converted. Now, if someone would just teach him a proper defensive stance so he'd stop standing around like Lurch, he might be less of a liability on that end of the court. I guess MJ is too busy to spend time on his first draft pick for the Bobcats - just like he was too busy for Kwame.

I was shocked to see the Bobcats play a mix of matchup and (stagnant) 2-3 zone, but with 42 minutes of Morrison, I shouldn't have been. It must have surprised the Suns a bit, as they didn't do much to pick at the seams in the short-corner and free-throw line but just jacked and jacked and jacked from the arc. Then again, when you can hit 19 treys in a game, maybe there's no reason to bother attacking the zone.

Sadly, I believe we've decided not to renew our tix for next year. There are just too many non-basketball things about a game at AWA that annoy us: the worst (read: narrow selection of nigh-inedible) food of any arena I've ever seen; incessant promotions and inanity (our dancers, old women dancers, old men dancers, little girl dancers, the Adio Sol Patrol); and a complete disregard for the basketball fans in the arena. When the game's on, I really don't want some jackhole from the promotions staff coming into my section to block the court view so we can all cheer for *Taco Bell*.

If they'd put aside one section for basketball fans, and we could get tix in that section, we'd renew. As it stands, I think we'll probably just go to a few games next year and spend the savings on a new tv and NBA League Pass.

One and Done

And, we're done. As a small consolation, I won't have to spend time watching them in the NIT this year. Maybe next year, Jeff Adrien will suck less?

Johnny Wins the All-Valley!!!

I didn't see the Duke-UNC game yesterday, and hadn't seen video of Gerald Henderson's intentional forearm shiver until this morning. It looked like a cross between a WWF^* grudge match and the penultimate fight in Karate Kid, when Daniel-san's leg gets jacked. Deadspin's got the video of the hit, along with Billy Packer's incessant whining that it was unintentional.

Anyway, I thought I'd see if I couldn't find that KK fight on YouTube...I failed, but I failed spectacularly. Check out this awesome music video, directed by the incomparable Billy Zabka!!!

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^* Suck it, World Wildlife Federation!

There are no holes in an electric bass or a snooker table

Decided a while ago that I need a(nother) hobby to distract me from writing, so I weighed the merits of a variety of choices - drifting, batik, rolling white dudes for their wallets - and settled on just picking up the bass. Sure, I could have chosen the piano/keyboard (and just used the keyboard I already own), but what fun would that be. So I lobbied for a bass for my birthday and lo, one appeared.

So far, I've actually demonstrated the tiniest bit of discipline: I'm endeavoring to practice for an hour or more a day; not letting myself meander too far afield; not letting myself over-focus, either. Granted, I can be disciplined for long stretches of time and then completely lose it for years. Just ask my tennis partners and people who used to see me lifting at 6am. Still, if I can make small amounts of headway each day and each week, I might actually stick with it.

Anyway, I picked up a book tonight that should be pretty helpful, but now I'm a little scared...

Let's look at it a different way. If you were to decide you wanted to learn to play snooker, for example, you wouldn't expect to get a 147 break on day one, would you? No, you'd build up to that - you'd work on your potting, study the angles, work on your game and basically take the whole thing in smaller steps.

OH GOD! I'VE HAD A STROKE! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND ENGLISH ANYMORE!!!

Oh! Nevermind. I understand English just fine...it's the English I don't understand, what with their boots not for feet, bonnets not for heads, and pasties not for boobs. Man, they talk funny.

That's Just Bully

I went to Nerd-a-rama for the weekly fix today. While there, I asked the young squire at the desk if he knew whether they had a copy, or could get a copy, of Tales From the Bully Pulpit. He giggled like a wee lass and suggested (sarcastically?) that I might try Batman instead, it's really cool. It's a man, who dresses like a bat. As opposed to ManBat, right? (That's a real, and very crappy, DC comic as well.)

Sure this kid's got cool hair - at least, it was cool when I had it back in '86 - but maybe if he's going to work retail, he should learn a tiny bit about the products he sells. Never heard of the obscure title the customer's asking about? Not a problem. Perhaps, you might want to find out about it, especially when said patron said he just lost an eBay auction for it where it sold for $67. Perhaps his manager might like a bit of that filthy lucre.

Nooners with a Book

"What are you reading?"

"Lolita."

"Is it good?"

"Yes."

"What's it about?"

"A man who has sex with a 12-year-old."

"Oh."

Still, I don't think my waitress spat in my food.

Where's the basic cultural literacy?

Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasies
She wants him, so badly
Knows what she wants to be

I've just finished Part I - Hummy and honey ensconced in Lepingville, waiting for the butterfly catchers to swarm, or Quilty to grow warm. I tried starting this a few months back by reading the editor's intro...there's a reason he's annotating and not writing. On restart, I'm thrilled with the verbal play (though still irritated by the annotation.) No review today. Review on completion.

Bring It On

Things I'm thankful never to see:

• Jim Calhoun, shirtless, covered in blue and white paint
• Geno Auriemma dressed as a cheerleader

Kudos to Pat Summit (who's got way more wins than Bobby Knight) on piercing her image a little.



of course, I'll still never get this image out of my head.

P.G.'s Valet

I wanna Jeeves Clock!!!

If I have to get out of my warm and cozy bed just to start another shitty day out in the world, I want the best of all gentleman's gentleman gently stirring me from Morpheus' grip.

Phoenix is Great...if you're retired

Staffing season is coming up, but I'm going to watch it slide on by. I've got about 10 hours left on the first draft of one spec (then another 10 or 15 hours of polish) and haven't even decided what show to spec for the second. It's March in two days, so the odds of (lazy) me getting the two specs finished and picked up by an agent are exactly nil. So I'll be even lazier and get back to work on those much later.

That means at least another year in software, which would be fine if I lived somewhere where people actually wrote software. PHX is not a tech center. My job choices are

• crappy company where I am now: pay is very good for the valley, writing a PoS^* ecomm system
• crappy company X: pay would be lower than now, commute worse, and odds are I'd still just be writing a PoS ecomm system
• crappy company Y: see above

And just to put this into perspective, I don't have an X or a Y or anything else on the hook. I've got my job, and feelers out to others...all of which seem to have no interest in me. Back in NorCal, I'd have options. Here? I'm overqualified for just about every tech position in the Phoenix Metro area, so I'm stuck at a job that makes me homicidal, pinning my hopes on hitting the tv-writing lottery, but not being particularly proactive about that.

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^* Piece of Shit

Up Late

So, there is a purpose for Myspace. Its bandwidth can be used to promote Fox shows. I suspect The Winner is going to blow, despite its creator and cast; however, any excuse for more Stewie and Brian is good with me.

Once More, With Feeling

The musical episode of Scrubs a few weeks back reminded me of the far superior OMWF episode of Buffy. Somewhere, I've got a bootleg cd that a guy I know made the night it aired off the broadcast audio, but I couldn't find it and figured I'd toss a few extra bucks Joss' way since he done lost the WW gig. Finally got around to placing an Amazon order this week and it arrived on Thursday.

Friday morning, the cd supplanted my bootleg of Dean Gray's American Edit in the batmobile's player and I cruised to work groovin' on the mixed bag that is this semi-masterpiece.

Turns out the weakest voices are the heart of the Buffyverse - Buffy, Xander, and Willow. I mean, they're game and give it the old college try, and they manage to hit all of their notes in approximately the correct order...but the arrangements are carefully tailored to their limitations. That's good. Not being forced outside of their comfort zones - about a fifth for Nicholas Brendon - allows the three to do their parts professionally and not embarrass themselves. The heavy lifting is left to the three talented singers - Tara, Spike, and especially Giles.

Anthony takes after his brother Murray, don't you know.

And here he is doing something a little bit different...Sweet Transvestite

Lunchtime Shenanigans

Longish lunch today with co-workers. That's the two people I like and one of the ones I (barely) tolerate. Tolerable Boy ended up picking the restaurant - a place he frequently frequents about twenty minutes from the office. Would nae have been my choice, but whatever. I was buying lunch for my friend today, as our almost year-long Sudoku Skins challenge wrapped up last week and he nipped me by ten.

We miraculously get the one available spot in the lot and climb down the stairs. Nice place, sorta rathskeller-y with prints of Dutch (mostly Van Gogh) paintings adorning the walls. Stonework, punched copper bar, and a den-like atmosphere are nice. They've got Stella Artois on tap - not my favorite beer, but certainly good enough for lunch. I'll down a couple along with my two small plates. The ceviche was excellent; the crab tostadas were not.

At the bar, a few feet from our table, sits a slender blonde in her thirties and a friend. Pretty, slightly lined face and the upper arms of a teenager. So, obviously, I'm going to be attracted. A couple of times during lunch we exchange glances^* and she gives me a nice smile. Then I go back to my meal and oh-so-boring conversation about whether Tolerable Boy should buy a house on the edge of civilization (he shouldn't) and whether he should change the pool from salt to chlorine (duh) or put in a pool fence (duh, again). Of course, a couple of crones in the booth behind ours flame up a couple times, so I reek of smoke now. Thanks, crones!

Late in the meal, the blonde comes to our table and asks if she can borrow my phone. I haven't used my phone. She doesn't ask the table if any of us can spare a phone. She asks me if she can borrow my phone. I'm an accommodating fellow, so I say "sure". She promises not to call Paraguay (or was that Uruguay?) but a Cali number. What do I care? I've got plenty of minutes (no friends) and free long-distance.

"I'll have to take it upstairs. It has no bars. See?"

"Um..."

"It's okay. We know the owners."

"Yah, if you were going to be standing right here you could borrow my phone. Or if you're around when we leave and want to use it when we go upstairs, that'd be fine."

"Oh. Fine. We had some nice eye contact there, but if you don't trust me..."

(There was quite a bit of attitude to go with all this, but you get the idea.)

Alright. I'm no idjit. Either a) she wanted to borrow a phone and would eventually find another and make her call or b) she wanted to get my number but didn't have the balls to just ask and be rejected. Either way, I don't feel so bad. In fact, it's given me something to write (and something with which to bore y'all) this afternoon.

In retrospect, I screwed up. What I should have said instead of smiling dismissively when she got snippy was "you just smiled at me. That's not enough for me to let you walk off with my phone. Give me a blowjob and then we'll talk."

Crude, but to the point.

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^* Let's be clear: this is the harmless flirtation type stuff; I'm not about to cheat on my wife with some random chick at a bar on a Friday afternoon. I mean, it's afternoon for criminy's sake!

South Africa: Bigger, Longer, and Now Cut!

And 20 years on, finally, some science. From someone who's cut and clean as a whistle, allow me to say DUH!

Circumcision may provide even more protection against AIDS than was realized when two clinical trials in Africa were stopped two months ago because the results were so clear, according to studies being published today.

The latest data from the trials don't show the 50% reduction in risk, however. They show a 65% reduction.

In honor of the news, here's Friday's video. Let's get these boys to Africa, stat!