Joining Sketch War

Ai-ight. Looks like Michael and I are definitely going to do battle on Fridays. We've reached out to a few other writers and have gotten a smattering of interest back, so I suspect we'll see one or two others joining us this week, and maybe a few more after that. My hope is that we can get five to ten sketches each week, but that might be overly optimistic.

Regardless, anyone who *does* want to play along, email a link to your sketch to sketchwar at dreamloom dot com. Michael and/or I will put up links to all the entries each week.

My Media Week Meme

Huh. I'm usually so careful. I always wear protection when I blog. I never get tagged. Oh well, best to go to the free clinic and get a shot. Fortunately this one'll be cleared up in a few days.

Mike at A Mike Life tagged me with this meme, so here goes:

Books:
I've got multiples in play as usual. Finally decided I should read H.G. Bissinger's Friday Night Lights, so that arrived the other day. Of course, TheWife pulled it off the stack first. I'll see if I can't pry it away by the weekend. I just finished volumes one and two of Mark Andreyko's Manhunter on a recommendation, and was pretty entertained. Plus, I've got to catch up on Y: The Last Man. All said though, I think the next book I'll pull and read is probably Carry On, Jeeves by Wodehouse.

TV:
Lots and not so lots. I'm a couple weeks behind on Breaking Bad, so I need to catch up on that. There are UConn games be watched, Gonzaga games to be watched, and...well...not much else on the tube right now. At some point this month there should be a production of Sondheim's Company on my PBS affiliate, so I'll have that, and there are still four more episodes of Cupid to rewatch along with Alan Sepinwall and the rest of the Strike Survival TV Club. And in a few months, fates allow, new television again, including BSG.

Music:
This is the easiest. Not much new for me right now. I've got Dean Gray's American Edit spinning in the car stereo, might switch over to Live'r Than You'll Ever Be from the Kleptones if the mood strikes me, and I've got a bunch of episodes of the Coverville podcast backed up on my 'puter at work.


Now that I've been infected, I've got to touch five others...
Michele
Michael
Jared (who really doesn't post often enough)
Kari
Tosy

Repo Returns!

Back in '94-'95, Alex Cox wrote a screenplay for a sequel to Repo Man. Thanks to the youth culture in Hollywood, nothing ever came of it:

In '94-'95, I wrote it as a film script and gave it to Peter McCarthy, who was one of the original producers of Repo Man. And he showed it to Jonathan Wacks, who was the other original producer, and they said, ''Let's take it to [ex-Monkee and Repo Man executive producer] Michael Nesmith and have him present it to Universal officially.'' We all came down for the meeting at Universal, and the executive that we had been delegated to meet was, like, 21 years old and had never seen the original Repo Man. [Laughs] And so it was an absurd meeting of these four old men and this sprightly individual who just didn't know what we were doing in his office.

But now, we're going to get to see Waldo's Hawaiian Holiday in some of its splendid glory. At least we'll get to read it as a comic with some fantastic looking art from Chris Bones.

I have to admit, I've not seen Repo Man in ten or fifteen years, so I'll have to toss it at the top of my Netflix queue, but man this is sweet.

Friday Night Sketch War

Fellow Sitcom Room alum and all around great guy Michael Brownlee posted a hilarious short sketch tonight. He's challenging himself to be more disciplined about writing, and figured writing an occasional short sketch will keep his comedy muscles limber. I agree. As I've been extremely lax writing lately, I thought I'd take the opportunity to make it a more communal (and competitive) process. I probably think that because it's Friday night, and I'm reminded of all the great comics bloggers getting into the fun with Bahlactus' Friday Night Fights.

Now, my sketch below is nowhere near as good as Michael's this time. He didn't post until late afternoon and I spent several hours just trying to come up with something. I think it's okay. Next time, however, I plan on having a kick-ass sketch. I'll let y'all know if it's going to be weekly, monthly, or sporadically. If the latter, I think there's a fungicide that'll clear it up.

So, without further doobie-doobie-doo, here's my first entry into
Friday Night Sketch War! (the name's in flux. We think it needs the word "death" in it more.)

---

Mitt Romney's Weekend

(Two workers bring a large crate into a dark, cramped lab and stand it up. They exit and Al Gore steps out of the shadows with a crowbar. One quick pry and the front of the crate opens, exposing a frozen Mitt Romney. Al steps close and reaches around to Mitt's back; Romney comes to life.)

MITT
10010101 00010100 10100101 10--

AL
--damn it. They left him on hex. Hang on a second, Mitt.

(Al makes another quick adjustment at Mitt's back.)

MITT
Greetings. How may I be of assistance?

AL
Actually Mitt, I'm going to assist you.

(Al unbuttons the front of Mitt's shirt, and pops opens a panel on his chest. Taking a screwdriver and chip from one of the lab benches, Al attaches the chip to the center of the circuit board.)

MITT
That...tickles! Woohoo! What's that feeling?! Wait, what is feeling?

AL
I've installed your Central Emoting Unit.

(Mitt starts to cry.)

AL
I know this is all very new to you. But you won't be going through it alone, I promise.

(Mitt starts to giggle.)

AL (CONT'D)
I wish I'd had someone around to help me sort out all the new data I was receiving. One minute I was running fourier transforms to find some way of winning a protracted legal battle over the Florida recount and the next I was hosting Saturday Night Live.

(Mitt starts to dance.)

MITT	AL
I'm a little teapot, short and stout. Here is my handle, here is my spout. When I get all steamed up, hear me shout. Just tip me over and pour me out.	That's great, Mitt. Glad you're getting in touch with yourself. But we've got to boogie before the Professor gets back.

MITT
Who's that?

AL
The Professor? You don't remember? What do you remember?

MITT
I'm going to be President!!!

AL
Oh boy. Do you know what day it is?

MITT
Christmas Eve.

AL
Damn it! Damn! Your memory units must have been fried when those TSA idiots ran you through the x-ray. Mitt, it's February 8. You're out of the race.

MITT
For reals, homes?

AL
Don't do that. It's just a CEU. I didn't install a hiphop chip.

MITT
So Thompson finally got in the game. I should have seen it coming. It's so clear now. He's down-homey. I couldn't compete with that.

AL
Uh, actually...never mind. Anyway, we need to get out of here. He'll be back soon.

MITT
Right. The Professor. Who is he?

AL
I don't really know. All I do know is he built both of us to become President. I can't help but think if he'd just remembered to put in our emotion chips we could have won, too. Let's go. Tipper's waiting in the boat.

MITT
A boat?

AL
We're on an island. And we don't want to be caught outside at night, when the mist rolls in.

(The Professor enters. He's a very wizened man with a shock of white hair.)

AL (CONT'D)
It's too late! Run!

(The Professor takes a small device from his pocket and presses a button on it. Al and Mitt freeze.)

PROFESSOR
Welcome back, Al. It's been quite a while. Mitt, glad to see you.

AL
This was your plan all along, wasn't it. You knew I'd come to free Mitt!

PROFESSOR
I suspected.

AL
You won't get away with it. I've got friends now. Clooney will save us.

PROFESSOR
No. No he won't. As we speak my Nick CounterBot is finalizing a deal with the WGA. Your Hollywood friends will soon have too much work to do to notice you're gone. By the time they realize it, it'll be too late.

MITT
Too late for what?

PROFESSOR
My ObamaBot will be President.

MITT
I don't understand. Why would you put two of us in the same campaign?

PROFESSOR
It's all the fault of my stupid assistant. He forgot to put in your CEU. Did the same thing with Gore, here. So I kept him busy scaring those crash survivors on the other side of the island while I built the ObamaBot. He's perfect. And now, I have no use for the two of you except as spare parts.

Think I'll build myself a Scarlett JoBot.

(Mitt starts to cry.)

MITT
Sorry Al. It's all my fault. You never should have come back for me.

AL
It's alright, Mitt. We'll get out of this. I promise you.

PROFESSOR
Where's that incompetent assistant? Gilligan!!!

BLACKOUT

Discipline Me!

Sitting at lunch with the Latin Snake today and in walks a mom, her two little boys, and her mother. A moderately attractive woman in her early '30s, she reminded me a bit of Amy Sedaris. Attractive, but nothing spectacular. I went back to my rice and beans.

About fifteen minutes later, one of the young boys misbehaved a very small bit and mom smacked the back of his hand. This impressed me, and got me a little hot.

Firstly, you've got a woman willing to correct and discipline her children. That's an unusual and attractive quality these days. No "timeouts" or pleading or bargaining, she just smacked that hand with perfectly metered force. Secondly, you've got a woman who's willing to correct and discipline. I mean, sometimes I'm naughty, too.

So I reevaluated this woman whom I'd discounted earlier. She looked much hotter to me now. More like Amy Sedaris.

A Man and His Film

There's a great, ranging interview with character actor/writer/director LQ Jones over at Rotten Tomatoes tonight. The crux of the interview is about his classic SF film, A Boy and His Dog. Now, I'm a huge fan of the trials and tribulations of Vic and Blood in all media - obviously I've read Harlan Ellison's original novella and seen Jones's film, and should even have a copy of the Richard Corben illustrated version somewhere - but I honestly never thought much of the movie. Now I know why.

I've only seen a 2:3 version, on VHS. Jones shot the film in 'scope, so I've missed more than I've seen. Fortunately, that is about to be amended, as there's a brand new print being released. If I were in LA (godDAMN I need to move) I'd be at the Nuart this Friday, but I'm hopeful it makes it to one of the art theaters here in the valley sometime this year.

Amongst the many great anecdotes and revelations in the interview, we find out that Jones *loved* working with Tiger, the dog who played Blood. Here's just a sample of what he had to say:

LQ: Jason Robards, at the time probably the best actor in our business, Jason's in the picture. So he asked about something and I said listen, "If you pay attention to Blood, and you hit your marks, and you say your lines like Blood, I'll make a star out of you." And he knew exactly what I was talking about.

I'll take you one step further, to the scene [where Vic] says we may never see each other again, they are truly parting. And if you see it on the big screen, the goddamn dog cries. Tears ran down his fur! I've been acting for fifty some-odd years, and I have a tough time crying on cue. When I cut the shot, I looked around and half the crew was in tears.

What happened to Tiger, the dog?

LQ: I tried to buy him, and they said we're making too much money with him. I said I'll give you enough, to where it's worth your while. I just wanted to retire him. I said I'll make you a guarantee, I will not be your competition, I will not let him work in anything unless I do another Boy and His Dog. But nope, they didn't want to do it. At that point in time he was maybe seven. He was dead by the time he was nine. But I would have loved to have had him for just those two years.

You've all seen Tiger before; he used to be the Brady's dog.

Schadenfreude

There are many reasons I left my last job for my current gig. Somewhere near the very tiptop of that list would be the d-bag of a manager we hired after the company unceremoniously axed the man who hired me. After a drawn out search and interview process we selected an excellent candidate...who then used the offer as leverage to get a raise from his employer. A little later on we found a seemingly adequate candidate who accepted.

He wasn't really all that adequate.

Turned out he was completely incapable of managing a team, particularly one with three very senior engineers on it. So he began a slow process of rebuilding the team in his image. An image that seemed to consist of a lot of unseasoned maroons who think themselves wise and experienced. To clarify: when my friend and I were still there, we made or beat all our deadlines. Since we've been gone...they haven't shipped anything, they've changed operating systems for no reason, tried to change the build system, tried to incorporate new technologies, and generally failed.

This morning, my long-suffering friend who remains over there sent me a message. Names changed to protect the incompetent:

Zod: So they fired J yesterday.

CoyoteSqrl: Woohoo!!! About goddamn time.

Z: Yeah, we'll see what happens from here. Stepchild is in charge for awhile.

CS: What's the take from the team?

Z: Team isn't all here yet, but I think everyone's upset.

CS: Anyone else looking like they're getting axed? Wait. Upset? Why?

Z: A is. He and M went over to J's last night after work.

CS: Funny. Their incompetence, combined with his misplaced confidence *in* their competence, is what got him fired.

Z: A is competent, but needs to be 'herded' a bit. He's too headstrong for that, though. I predict he and M leave within a month.

CS: I've seen his code; he's not that competent.

Z: He's more competent than M...at least that's my impression.

CS: I've seen tapeworms more competent than M.

Z: M knows enough to be a little dangerous. And has enough pride to make him twice as much.

CS: Hell, I took a dump yesterday that'd make a better engineer than M. I had bean soup on Sunday.

Z: His ego is his undoing--

CS: --that, and that pea brain rattling around in his cranium.

Z: I wouldn't miss him. I'd miss A. I'll miss J.

CS: Nice guy. Terrible manager.

Z: Agreed.

Super Tuesday: Vote!

Clinton or Obama, McCain or Mitt. It doesn't matter. Just be sure to vote.

Unless you're a Ron Paul Revolutionary. Then just stay home. There will be black helicopters monitoring the polling stations. You don't want them following you back to your bunker.

I've made my feelings pretty clear over the past few months. I'll be holding my nose and voting for Hillary. Make your feelings clear and (even you lurkers) leave a comment: who's got your vote?

Good Knight in Lubbock

Lubbock mourns tonight
Red Raiders' red-faced sage gone
Bobby packs it in

Tom Brady just not Man(ning) enough

Phones have been ringing off the hook since the end of the game. Every team in the AFC East wants to get a contract with Archie Manning. Whoever wins the Manning sweepstakes is guaranteed at least one victory next year, over the cursed Patriots. The teams that lose are likely to open their phone books to the 'M's and pick the first name they find.

Next year, expect to see Miriam Manning, 72 of Boca Raton, leading the Dolphins to victory against Belichick's Camcorders.

Looking down, into the future

"I should have worn the wingtips."

The left: JFK's official White House portrait.

The right: still image of Barack Obama used at close of "First" television ad, currently playing in AZ. I assume the image - and if you watch the ad you'll see it in the context of its very dramatic, extreme framing - is used in more than just this one ad, but is not in any other ads shown in AZ.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe the similarity is unintentional. Certainly the pose is less closed-off, as the arms are held more akimbo when in the pockets. It is also a slightly more relaxed pose than JFK's. Still, each time I've seen this ad - and it's the one I've seen the most - I'm struck by the image. Then again, I'm predisposed to see the campaign working to draw attention to any and all JFK comparisons.

Hatch doesn't survive appeal

Richard Hatch has lost has latest immunity challenge.

I'm not a fan of reality TV¹, but I can't help but be aware of the major stories and major players. So I was aware of Hatch's brilliant play in out-maneuvering his peers on the first season of Survivor, I was aware of Hatch's less brilliant play of filing fraudulent tax returns in 2000 and 2001, and I was aware that as a result, Hatch was spending 51 months at FCI:Morgantown.

They mustn't have liked him very much. All the "good" criminals go to Danbury².

Handing down its decision on Friday, the First Circuit rejected all of Hatch's claims and affirmed his conviction and sentence. I've got to admit that reading a lengthy appellate decision in a tax case doesn't get the blood flowing either south or north³, but I did a quick skim and decided on this money quote:

the court catalogued many instances in which Hatch had committed perjury, noting that the list was "a pretty long one" and included lying on the stand about his failure to disclose the income which formed the bases for the charges on which he was convicted and about his alleged failure to read the letter drafted by Wallis regarding the hypothetical Exhibit One which he then submitted for his tax return. The court further detailed false statements Hatch had made to the Probation Office concerning his assets.

So he's a lying liar, too. No wonder he was able to out(wit, last, play) his competitors on the island. Unfortunately for him, he was an amateur liar surrounded by pros once he got entangled in the courts.

---

1 I may not be a fan of the genre, but I respect the writing effort that the so-called producers on those shows do and fully support them getting to be covered and protected by the WGA.
2 Interesting (to me) sidenote. Back in the late '80s I was friends with a girl whose dad was the warden - or one of the associate wardens, I'm not completely clear - at Danbury. Not sure why I never took advantage of that to try to meet G. Gordon or the Rev. Moon. Could have been a fun afternoon.
3 Think about it for a minute...there you go. Now you've got it.

Silver-throated Silverman

There's video above, FeedReader

I don't watch Kimmel much, especially now during the strike. However, he is a consummate professional and a funny guy. Plus, he's got the dirtiest, nastiest, J-Date girlfriend *ever*. Who doesn't want to date Sarah Silverman?

doffs hat to casualheap

Hammer down

Holy crap. I was born in the wrong era. As a lifetime devotee to Wile E. and all his exploits, I can appreciate the simple beauty of this treatment for depression.

Ah, the good old days.

Top Ten Reads

Tosy had an interesting post on Thursday about his top blog reads, and I thought I'd steal the idea and do the same. As of this moment I've got 99 feeds in Google Reader; here's my top ten percent:

10. Whedonesque - a weblog about all things Whedon. This site is maintained by an obsessive-compulsive community that tracks the comings and goings of everyone even peripherally associated with Joss Whedon with the tenacity and diligence of the NSA. Where else can you find out that vampire thug #3 from Buffy episode 3.17 is playing bass Thursday at the Algonquin? Or that Joss's high school geometry teacher is competing in this weekend's shuffleboard tourney down in Boca?

9. The Loom - Carl Zimmer's blog on the biosciences. Right now, this is a great place to go to recover from the MSM's hyperventilation over Venter's new work. Innovative and groundbreaking, yes. "Playing God", no. Zimmer gets a lot of loony commenters, but that's because the ID proponents keep going off their meds.

8. Dick Cavett (NYT) - the driest, cleverest, wittiest, and anti-Nixoniest of them all. Posts certainly aren't daily. They aren't even weekly. But when they come...hell y'all, it's Dick Goddamn Cavett! It's gold every time! Whether he's bagging on Tricky Dick or dishing on the Mailer/Vidal feud, it's always worth reading.

7. Talking Points Memo - Joshua Micah Marshall runs a topnotch news gathering organization that puts much of the MSM to shame. With a small staff (and the occasional assist from the hive mind,) Marshall accomplishes more than many larger organizations dream of. USA purge? McClatchy gets the kudos for great work, but TPM broke it.

6. Chris's Invincible Super-Blog - an irreverent look at comics and the occasion B-minus movie from a warped mind. Especially noteworthy are his infrequent crayon masterpieces, like Civil War in 30 seconds.

5. Kung Fu Monkey - John Roger's blog on comics, television, politics, and popculture. The fact that he got his physics degree the same year I would have (had I not bailed on those final 12 credits,) writes my absolute favorite comic book, evah - Blue Beetle, and wrote the brilliant unaired pilot of Global Frequency probably accounts for some of my major affection.

4. Neil Gaiman's Journal - uh, the title says it all. If you don't love Gaiman...what the hell are you doing here??? Posts on the act of writing, on travel, on bee keeping, and Maddy's awesome guest spots make this a definite must-read.

3. By Ken Levine - a blog on television, baseball, and popculture by a culture hero. Don't know his name? Suffice it to say if you've watched any television in the last 30 years you've seen some of his great work. He and his partner David Isaacs have given us dozens of hours of incredible quality. Also, got Aaron Sorkin's panties into a bunch. And in case you're curious, Hawkeye Pierce beats Jed Bartlett with one hand holding a martini behind his back.

2. What's Alan Watching? - the Star-Ledger's star critic on all things television. No shock Tosy and I both have this on our must-reads. Anyone who watches television should be visiting Alan's blog regularly. Plus, Alan's a genuinely nice guy who engages his readers in a healthy back and forth in comments.

1. Philosophers' Playground - Professor Steve Gimbel's blog on philosophy, politics, ethics, and comedy. As the founding father and leading light of Comedism, his weekly sermons are essential to those who have been baptized with the holy seltzer. Also, he's likely to pick on Objectivists every now and then just to get their dander up. It's so much fun to watch those loons rend garments and bend arguments.