When he is risen, he's going to want bacon and coffee

Now, just in time for the Abominable Bunny to show up with a Chocolate Jesus (available in milk, dark, and white chocolate for ye of differing race) for each good girl and boy, and okra to leave in the shoes of the bad little children (or whatever it is those wacky xtians do when they should have been eating matzo and bitter herbs), here comes my thumbnail review of Christopher Moore's blasphemous little tome. I know. The interwebs are a-crackle with the excitement.

I hadn't read any Moore before, and only picked this up on a recommendation.¹ After slogging through Alfred Appel's wearying, soul-crushing, pleasure-draining annotations of Lolita², I wanted a light, fun lunch read. Can't get much more fun than the life and death of Jesus, right? At least as told by Levi who is called Biff.

Now, I'm a lot of things. As David Cross would say, 'cause my mom's vagina is Jewish, I'm Jewish. I'm also an atheist. I'm a cold, scientific rationalist. I'm also considering becoming a Comedist. One thing I am not is spiritual. I don't believe in god, gods, or God and have never really understood why others do. I've got no empty space in my psyche to be filled, and no fear of the great nothingness that comes after our short wicks flicker out. Sucks that good people suffer and the evil thrive, and it sucks that those good people have to die, but I don't need to believe in an afterlife, or reincarnation, or nirvana³ to get me through the day. Of course, it doesn't help that the Big 3 western religions are preached by and about the unfunny and self-righteous.

Where's the self-mockery? Where's the irony? Where's the awareness of life's great jokes?

If Christ were like Moore writes him (and if his best friend really had created sarcasm) it would be a much easier sell.

With a great heart (and clear faith in the divinity of his subject) Moore presents Jesus (Joshua) from a small boy reviving a dead lizard - so his little brother can repeatedly off it - to the moment of his death on the cross. This is the Gospel of Biff - nicknamed for a "slang word for a smack upside the head" - who accompanies Josh on his quest for knowledge and wisdom in the east, in order to learn to be the messiah to his people. Best friends from childhood, Biff's primary role is "to teach him to be human."

Chinese food on Josh's birthday (still a Jewish tradition), the study of Jew Do, and clever biblical references made me laugh aloud many times while reading. I was also shocked by how moved I was by the very pure love and devotion Biff felt for Joshua and the agony over his failure to alter his fate. The bittersweet love triangle between the two friends and Maggie (Mary of Magdala) adds a third color to the palette. Eros, philia, and agape are intertwined and intermixed in varying degrees throughout, making this a great love story. Plus...an elephant learns yoga, there are Chinese concubines, and Biff invents the latte.

A Douglas Adams-like comedy that made my throat tighten a few times? With Chinese concubines??? A perfect book for the spring.

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¹ Shockingly, the recommendation came from a waiter at a restaurant I used to frequent (out of business, sadly). Normally, I'd be a super-snob and skip a rec like that, but it came after a decent, short discussion about what I was reading at the time and I figured I'd take a bit of a flyer.
² At the end of which, I wasn't even able to fashion a review as short and shallow as the current one. Suffice it to say that Appel ruined Lolita for me. I hope I can go back to it in a few years without the annoying, endless commentary and find some pleasure in Nabokov's linguistic acrobatics.
³ Or Pearl Jam.