29 July 2006

Road Whimperer Lethal Tool Payback!!!

Did we all used to like Mel? Really? I'm having a hard time remembering that. I mean, with Tom-Tom, he was always short and manic and crazy, but we put up with it 'cause sometimes he was entertaining. But Mel...I mean, I liked this guy from the '70s. He started out in interesting movies, made it hip to be an Aussie in Hollywood (thank you for Poppy,) and was careful enough to wear lifts or only appear with other short dudes. He was charmed and charming.

We knew there were problems. His father's batshit, he drinks too much, and he's got like what, a dozen kids? Still...he pretty much managed to keep the crazy out of sight and out of mind.

Oops. I can't speak for the trustworthiness of this site, but based on the news stories popping and the extremely contrite apology he issued today, I think this might have legs. Weak, palsied legs for sure, but legs nonetheless. I mean, have you ever heard a celebrity actually apologize? It's usually more like an athlete's non-apology apology, offering how some people might have misunderstood when he pulled the gun on his HGH connection because his baby-momma got blood on his new Nikes when he smacked her around. Not Mel. He's really got something to hide:

After drinking alcohol on Thursday night, I did a number of things that were very wrong and for which I am ashamed. I drove a car when I should not have, and was stopped by the L.A. County sheriffs. The arresting officer was just doing his job and I feel fortunate that I was apprehended before I caused injury to any other person.

I acted like a person completely out of control when I was arrested, and said things that I do not believe to be true and which are despicable. I am deeply ashamed of everything I said and I apologize to anyone who I have offended.

Also, I take this opportunity to apologize to the deputies involved for my belligerent behavior. They have always been there for me in my community and indeed probably saved me from myself. I disgraced myself and my family with my behavior and for that I am truly sorry.

I have battled the disease of alcoholism for all of my adult life and profoundly regret my horrific relapse. I apologize for any behavior unbecoming of me in my inebriated state and have already taken necessary steps to ensure my return to health.