19 September 2006

Bill Frist on Ahmadinejad and Article III

Since I like my red meat prion-free, I rarely watch the jackholes on CNN, CNBC, MS-NBC, and of course FOX. If I want discourse at that level, I can hang around the playground. Hmm...I guess that could get me in trouble...good thing I never want to hear imbeciles rant and rave at one another. Still, it's sometimes difficult to avoid some of the inanity seeping into my life. Like this afternoon at the gym.(1) CNBC was on in the lockerroom, and some screaming ninny named Lawrence Kudlow was starting up his show.

Kudlow's first guest was Sen. Bill Frist, but before he could get into whatever free-trade mumbo-jumbo was planned, he had to ask about "breaking news". Brian Williams had an exclusive interview with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (seems to me that Brian Williams had the "break", whereas Lawrence Kudlow had the sloppy, synergistic seconds, but that's neither here nor there.) Here's the section of the interview that got Kudlow and Frist up in arms:

Williams: And you talk about children. You and I are both fathers. Recently in your country, thousands of people have signed up to be part of suicide brigades. How would you feel if your own children chose to do such a thing?
Ahmadinejad: Well, what is your feeling about that? Think if America is attacked. What would you like your son to do? Do you want him to defend America or not? I think you would like your son to defend America. It's the same with our son. When you don't have arms, when you don't have power, what can you do? You will sacrifice yourself for your country. It's not a bad thing.

Kudlow ranted and raved, Frist ranted and raved. Apparently, this statement makes Ahmadinejad a dangerous thug.(2) How these imbeciles got into college is beyond me. Didn't they have to take the SAT? Neither is that much older than I. I distinctly recall a reading comprehension section. If they were as bad at comprehension in high school as they seem today, they'd have had athlete-level scores.

Here. Maybe I can give them some examples of other interviews from history that might clear this up for them (Brian Williams has been around a long time):

Williams: Recently, many of your countrymen have vowed to defeat the Philistines, but they are led by Goliath. Would you send your son to certain death?
Jesse: Without weapons or power, my son will sacrifice himself for Israel, yes.

Or this one asked of Leonidas I:

Williams: Recently, many of your countrymen have vowed to defeat the Persians. Would you send your son, your troops, and yourself to certain death?
Leonidas I: Without numbers, my son, my troops, and I will sacrifice ourselves for greater Greece.

Hmm. Maybe these are too old for the boys. Let's try something a little more recent:

Williams: Mr. Prime Minister, your island nation has been under bombardment for years now. Recently, a plan has been formulated by the Allies to invade the mainland and establish a beachhead in Normandy, despite the fact that the Germans have the high ground, heavy artillery, and the geographic advantage. This suicide mission, if even successful, would require killing large numbers of Germans. How would you feel if your children chose to do such a thing?
Churchill: We will never surrender. We will never give up. We will fight them on the beach. We will fight them in the country. We will fight them in the city. We will fight them in the alleys. We will fight them to the edge of the empire, but we will never, never, Never, Never, NEVER SURRENDER!

Christ! How hard is it to figure out that a leader of a sovereign nation is compelled to defend his nation? You may hate him, his people, and the clothes his mother picks out for him...it's still his fucking job to defend his nation and his people. If Kudlow and Frist want to put an end to all war - all killing, all sacrifice of lives for nations - that's great. We can all sing Kumbya. But since Frist went on to threaten the sovereignty of Iran, I have to say the crazy man from Tehran doesn't sound that crazy.

Of course, this was really just prelude to a discussion on "clarifying" Article III of the Geneva Conventions. Because, the war on terror isn't just about Iraq, says Frist. Apparently, I infered, it's now about Iran as well. We need to be free to use "unconventional" interrogation techniques, otherwise we're going to take our ball and go home. Here's a very quick run-down of my thoughts on this.

  • The Senate already ratified the Geneva Conventions. Weren't those Senators smart enough to realize that Article III was "vague"? Apparently not as smart as Bill, whose comprehension was clearly shown above.
  • If only Bill had access to a videotape of the debate on ratification...he's shown a preternatural ability to see things on video that no one can detect in person.
  • Actually, what's the big deal about clarifying the language? First off, it's not like it will supercede our international agreement. Secondly, it's not like we pay attention to the repercussions of violating international law anyway.

I've meandered enough, so let me summarize: 24-hour news channels are shite; Bill Frist is a pandering lapdog; the Senate already ratified the Geneva Conventions, so this Senate had better come up with a good reason to "clarify" them; leaders (even batshit-insane ones like Ahmadinejad) are expected to defend their nations with whatever means they have at their disposal; and apparently the GMAT and SAT were once much easier for functional morons to pass.

1I know! Not only did I make it to the gym today, but I didn't blow off doubles last night! That's two days running I tried to stem the entropic expansion of my belly!
2 For the record, I find this douchebag to be somewhere between loon and demagogue.