09 September 2006

Buy some goddamn Retin-A, bitch...and lay off the 'roids!

Fuckin' Maria Sharapova. I'm finding myself in the awkward position of rooting for Justine Henin-Hardenne tonight. Hate the whiny Belgian. Wish nasty, terrible things upon her. But...she's opposite the pimply, 'roid-ragin' bitch. I've unfortunately got no choice but to root for JHH...other than rooting for them both to blow out ACLs, MCLs, tear hammies, and end their careers.

We just came back from a service change-over in the second set and Dick E., Mary C., and JohnnyMac were laughing and carrying on while showing replays of Maria getting coached during the changeover. Oh, but he was just telling her how many bites of food to eat and how many sips of each of her various drinks to consume, so it must be okay. It's not really a violation of the rules. I mean, it's Maria, right? Everyone thinks she's just so pretty, so the rules don't apply to her.

The rules are stupid. Coaching should absolutely be allowed during changeovers; however, until that happens, they need to be enforced for all. From Article IV, Section K of the CODE OF CONDUCT FOR 2006 ITF PRO CIRCUITS TOURNAMENTS

Players shall not receive coaching during a match. Communications of any kind, audible or visible, between a player and a coach may be construed as coaching. Players shall also prohibit their coaches (1) from using audible obscenity within the precincts of the tournament site, (2) from making obscene gestures of any kind within the precincts of the tournament site, (3) from verbally abusing any official, opponent, spectator or other person within the precincts of the tournament site, (4) from physically abusing any official, opponent, spectator or other person within the precincts of the tournament site and (5) from giving, making, issuing, authorising or endorsing any public statement within the precincts of the tournament site having, or designed to have, an effect prejudicial or detrimental to the best interest of the tournament and/or of the officiating thereof.

Violation of this Section shall subject a player to a fine up to $250 for each violation. In addition, if such violation occurs during a match (including the warm-up), the player shall be penalised in accordance with the Point Penalty Schedule hereinafter set forth. In circumstances that are flagrant and particularly injurious to the success of a tournament, or are singularly egregious, the ITF Supervisor may order the Coach to be removed from the site of a match or the precincts of the tournament site and upon his failure to comply with such order may declare an immediate default of such player.
What is the Point Penalty Schedule? Here's Section R:
The Point Penalty Schedule to be used for violations set forth above is as follows:

THIRD and each subsequent offence GAME PENALTY

However, after the third Code Violation, the ITF Supervisor shall determine whether each subsequent offence shall constitute a default.

She got no warning. She just got coos and oohs from the fawning booth crew. Bitch needs exfoliation, not adulation.


Anonymous said...

shut it, shes hot.

R.A. Porter said...

Hey man, if backne is your thing, more power to you. I prefer girls who aren't half-way on the road to being boys, but that's just me.

Hey, maybe anon was A-Rod. He likes the she-male type! A-Rod's commenting on my blog?!?