I won't be flying for awhile. At this point, not only are they taking water and shampoo, but moisturizer, gel shoe inserts, everything. Considering how hard it is to actually make the explosives in question from fluid - time-consuming, temperature sensitive, and prone to premature detonation - I'm a little bothered that they're as worried as they are. Now, if someone wanted to bring in really large quantities of fluids that didn't need all this care and attention...fluids that would combine in a massive exothermic reaction...they'd need a lot more than a shampoo bottle's-worth.
I wonder what's being overlooked...
-after the jump...
INT. OFFICE - DAY
Raja and Ahmed Khan are addressing a room full of beautiful, well-endowed women. Raja and Ahmed are both dark-skinned men of Indian or Pakistani extraction.
RAJA
Ladies, my brother and I are pleased at your progress. You all look so much like the whores of the infidels it is difficult for me to remember how you looked when you first joined us.
AHMED
Brother, it would be difficult to recall regardless, as they all wore the hijab.
RAJA
That is true, Ahmed, but even still...
INT. DARKENED OFFICE
With the lights off, we pan the expressions on the women’s faces as they are lit from the glow of a computer slide show
AHMED
I do not understand this one bit. I specifically used the wipe transitions between my slides, but this PowerPoint presentation is not behaving correctly.
RAJA
Is it really that important how...
AHMED
This is why you will never be a cell leader.
Some time passes...
AHMED (CONT’D)
...are there any questions?
PIFANNY
And you’re sure these are safe?
AHMED
Absolutely. Dr. Dasgupta has assured us that the implants will remain intact until the time is right.
DESTINY
What about driving? Is it safe to drive? What if the airbag goes off?
AHMED
Well, I suppose it is possible that such an event could precipitate a rupture, but I would not be too worried
RAJA
Yes, besides, you should not be driving an automobile. It is not proper for a Muslim woman to...
AHMED
Brother! Remember: these women endeavor to infiltrate the decadent western world where women do drive.
RAJA
Of course.
AHMED
Yes Chastity? You had a question?
CHASTITY
What about pole dancing? Will there be much risk of rupturing the implants doing that?
INT. CAR - EVENING
Ahmed and Raja are driving along the highway
RAJA AND AHMED
Pole dancing???
INT. GIRLS' APARTMENT - NIGHT
Chastity, Destiny, and Pifanny are sitting in their living room. Pifanny is smoking, all three are drinking margaritas.
DESTINY
I don’t know that I can do it, anymore. I mean, I love Allah...
CHASTITY, DESTINY, PIFFANY
Praise Allah!
DESTINY
But I’m not so sure about killing myself, anymore. I mean, what’s it really going to accomplish?
CHASTITY
I know. I was talking with Ronny at the club, and he...
PIFANNY
You and that stupid club! We’re supposed to be able to fit in with the infidels; not become one of them!
CHASTITY
Someone’s gotta pay the rent on this place! And I don’t hear you complaining about that dress you’re wearing.
DESTINY
Will you two just stop? Finish your story, Pif.
CHASTITY
So anyway, Ronny says most Americans don’t even care what happens back home. Why are we fighting them, anyway? What’s blowing up a plane going to do other than make them madder?
PIFANNY
Maybe it will make them see the shallowness of their lives? Ooh...it’s time for “American Idol”!
EXT. SIDEWALK - MORNING
Ahmed and Raja are walking down a crowded street, heads bowed, conferring together
RAJA
I worry we have failed, brother.
AHMED
How so?
RAJA
These girls have become too much like the Americans. I do not know if we can trust them to complete their mission.
AHMED
What do you propose?
RAJA
I think you and I must make preparations.
EXT. AIRPORT - DAY
Ahmed and Raja are now dressed as very unattractive women with very large breasts.
AHMED
He really is the best surgeon.
RAJA
Yes. I can only hope my 72 virgins have breasts as full and firm as ours.
AHMED
Yes. But hopefully not filled with explosives!
RAJA AND AHMED
Allah Akbar!
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